Single Moms dating sites

Casual Dating And Single Moms. Let's admit it. Many men, maybe even you until now, have been put off by a woman who has children, but what you need to understand is many single mums are not looking for a father figure for their children - Single mums do a perfectly good job without a man in their lives. What many women are looking for is a man ... While online dating has become one of the most popular ways to meet people these days, single moms and dads want to be careful when choosing a dating site. This is why our experts did some extensive research and selected the top dating sites for single parents. Single Moms Dating is part of the dating network, which includes many other general and single parent dating sites. As a member of Single Moms Dating, your profile will automatically be shown on related single parent dating sites or to related users in the network at no additional charge. For more information on how this works, click here. Support One of the first dating websites that offer a scientific approach when it comes to matching singles is eHarmony. This scientific approach is based on the 29 Dimensions model to ensure that they match couples based on the compatibility features found in thousands and thousands of successful relationships. eHarmony’s commitment is to assist single moms to find love and be confident about it. Single Parents Dating. ... This is the fastest-growing dating site, and parents tends to skew these, but that is also changing. Moms bills itself as a personalized matchmaking service — not a dating app. ... Ain't no such thing as a free [fish] lunch! All the sites allow you to search by religion, but a few dating sites specifically focus on ... Local single moms, free online dating website where single mothers can find love. Find sexy single mothers today in your local area. Profiles are 100% free and can be created in minutes.

TIFU and wrote a prisoner

2020.09.30 06:54 AmandaKathleen TIFU and wrote a prisoner

TIFU and wrote a prisoner.
So, to understand this story you need a brief background. I have some academic smarts. Street smarts and common sense, well, hrmmm. I grew up in a well off family and was the type to make an “O” face and suck in real deep when I saw my sister, who was five years old start wearing thongs. Of course give me those five and I did too. I am naive and try to see the best to a fault.. sometimes honest and truly not expecting the outcome because it genuinely was never an option. Grew up in that Christian parent, bubble life. I mean at college I was offered a Xanax bar and I replied, “sure! Does it have chocolate or nuts?” Fml.
Okay. This was about three-four years ago. I see an ad for a write a prisoner program. Talked to my husband so excited. They asked my birth sign. Odd. Fine. I was matched with this like older-ish dude. Anyways, I write the inmate they gave me and address. I receive two letters within two days of each other. Both many pages. This poor dude. Pouring his soul but appropriate. Asks for emails in an app.. because they get it faster. My dumb but is like sure, whatever is easier for you, I can work around it. Those emails get crazy like first one. Very personal, romantic questions. I’m like yeah, I’m happily married!
Fast forward. My mind is blown. I am learning so much about life. Find out he is like a year younger and not like some old dude they said. Then I get a call on my cellphone. Did not give that out. He is talking all about my pictures and his mom sent them from my Facebook. Warning, don’t have that ish all public. Says his ex, same name as mine, that murdered her boyfriend tries to spy on him. I had to pass this like interview. I believe her name was Amanda Taylor. I never gave my last name. Admittedly, did use first. I accept call. It was him. Basically, he starts like erm, wanking off having phone sex while I’m talking about utter none sense to basically ‘lift his spirit.’ I go back to the company and read the email, nothing new. I contact one and they say it is a dating site, to date a prisoner. I friggin swear. It said nothing about dating! Just write. It did ask my sign though. Damn.
I kindly try to really enforce the next call my intentions.. he understood, said he really just needed the friendship. I start receiving gifts in the mail to my mother effing home. Like art supplies and other things, all with a few willy pics hidden all in random spots. Never gave my location. He starts calling my phone all day. Sending me absolutely furious emails if I miss a single call. Then I get this hate email for not sending his mom a Mother’s Day gift. She was kind enough to send him pictures of me. (Yeahhh thanks dude’s mom). No lie. A few days later, open a box, I have weed cookies from his mother with a note of forgiveness to me for the Mother’s Day mishap.
About three years later and every call I block from the prison doesn’t matter. I search and look him up. Robbery, break in, drugs and kidnapping his freaking gf!! I block his name or line.. whatever you call it. I guess they like trade for someone else’s phone minutes/privileges. So basically, every inmate is not blocked yet until they call me, block the new inmate and he uses another. He has phone sex to me like petting my damn cat. Like talking about anything. (Bad example 😳). Just a tad weird.. but I guess, do your thing. Maybe not with me, idk. Not to be impolite.
Husband. I love you and I am so sorry I thought I could save the world and signed up to date a prisoner. Thanks for not killing me. I mean, maybe you could meet him? Eh? 🤔
Joke.
Each Mother’s Day I get anonymous weed cookies. We ended up moving. This year, Mother f*cking weed cookies. Pot is supposed to be chill lady, not scare the piss out of me.
The ONE, one one one thing I did right. He always asked me to send money. Never sent any money. Also, I did grow up sheltered but having an absolute amazing family. You can read my IAmA, but they are above and beyond. They have also changed from when raising me to 2020.
TL;DR Don’t accidentally, and incredibly naively, do the date a prisoner program unless you ready for that life. 🙃😐
submitted by AmandaKathleen to tifu [link] [comments]


2020.09.29 21:04 mr_tyler_durden Notes and Highlights of Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear’s Live Update September 29, 2020

Notes and Highlights of Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear’s Live Update September 29, 2020
Notes by mr_tyler_durden and Daily Update Team
Register for your Absentee Ballot here!
Watch here:
Headlines
Full Notes
(continued in stickied comment)
submitted by mr_tyler_durden to Coronavirus_KY [link] [comments]


2020.09.28 05:35 sons_shadow I (M36) have a LDR (W34) across the country. Quarantine is not helping and I need help on how to keeping the relationship alive due to distance and time.

Backstory: We met during a work function a few years back. We kept the relationship strictly profession, had secret crushes on each other and respected the fact we were both in our separate marriages.
Last September, we met at another work function in another city and were supposed to be there for a full work week. We met up the first night with our coworkers for happy hour and really hit it off. As the night wound down, everyone there either left to go to sleep or separated into their own groups. She and I sat out on a patio and talked about everything.
Turns out we were both in shitty marriages and both in the beginning stages of divorcing our respective spouses. We also both have a elementary school aged kids a few months apart in age. We had both sobered up during that talk and we both agreed not to drink any more. We both admitted that this work function was to be an escape from our respective divorces, but talking about it did hurt, but finding someone else with the same pain that we could talk to help a lot.
Fast forward 2 more hours of talking and connecting, it was obvious there was a lot of chemistry there. We were both reluctant to act on our urges because 1. this is a work function and 2. we both still technically married.
The rest of the week was just absolute magic. On the last night, I admitted that there was obviously something between us, but I was afraid that we were on the rebound due to our respective divorces. She agreed, but said that she had never met anyone like me and likewise I said the same to her. Since we mutually felt there was something, we should take our time and explore it.
At the airport, she found my terminal and we got a coffee and hid in a semi-private place, talked and we kissed when they called final boarding for my flight.
The next 3 months, we were sending hundreds of messages a day to each other and getting to know each other more. We both coincidentally got our respective separation agreements signed on the same day AND our company had announced dates for the annual all-hands meeting in Miami. We planned to come a few days early and hangout before the week long all-hands gathering. I secretly booked a super fancy hotel, nice dinner date and rented a nice car for the weekend. She was surprised when we got into our fancy room I booked. Later that night I got our convertible rental car and drive around Miami, had dinner and walked on the beach. I won't go into the details of that weekend or that week, but it was hands down the best week of our lives.
The next several weeks of messages got more intense and we both started planning our lives together. We would sext, send pics of ourselves, our kids, food we made, abuse emojis, talk about getting married and anything else we wanted. We would face time at least 3 or 4 times a week when we had the time. We even secretly wrote love letters to each other, send them and have the other person read them back during Face Time. The best part was that we were SUPER blunt, to the point, honest and transparent with each other. We were both head over heels for each other and neither one of use thought that the other person could exist. She and I even bought wedding bands online. I got hers and she got mine and promised to trade the next time we met (but not actually get legally married) - kinda like a promise ring.
Then quarantine hit. I live on the East Coast and she lives on the West Coast, so we have go be mindful of evening chats so we our sleep. We were both getting stressed about our respective kids and divorces and work (we do drastically different things at our company), but we drew on each other's encouragement to make it through. This has been going on for several months with the quarantine with no end in site, all on-location meetings and gathers have been canceled indefinitely as well and there are no practical means of us traveling to see each other. Then the riots. Then the wild fires. 2020 PLEASE END!!!!!
Out of the blue I get a message a few weeks ago that "we need to talk" My initial reaction was something happened to her or her kid. Typically, if someone says that it is best to literally talk about it, not message. I was free, so we started messaging each other.
Turns out that she has "no energy for you". This shocked me. I asked if everything was okay and in return I got the cliched "it is not you, it is me" discussion. I asked if I had ever asked for anything from her that she was not comfortable with, took up a lot of her time or was demanding. She said it was none of that and that I was super accommodating and respectful of her time and emotions. "We're just friends now and nothing more, but we can chat from time to time"
TBH, I was more heartbroken than when my exwife and I decided to divorce. Yes, I am guilty of putting the cart in front of the horse with my new relationship. Hell, we were planning on getting married, building our dream house and having our "twins" grow up with each other.
I told her I was devastated and heartbroken. I was so out of sorts that I couldn't think straight and ask more questions. We both agreed that we should take a night off and talk the next day. I got maybe 1 hour of sleep that night.
We ended up not talking for 3 days straight. Nothing.
She messaged me and said she loved and missed me and asked how I was doing. I sobbed reading that message. I messaged her back and told her that I was not doing well at all. I told her that I didn't know how to "chat" with her since I didn't know what the boundaries were. She got frustrated with me for not respecting her request. From there, it has been a handful of messages a week. Then I'd get a message about "wouldn't it be nice if we went to our favorite vacation spot together?" UGH!! The emotional conflicts I'm having!!! Friends? and you want to spend time in our most romantic place we dreamed about? She would also send instagram pics of spiritual motivational text or comics - something that was new to me before I met her, but we bonded over for the last several months.
I took the initiative and Face Timed her and asked what was going on and to help me understand how we can be "friends", have "no energy" for me, but tell me she loves and misses me. She said she is conflicted. She is so busy being nearly a single mom, work is piling up so fast and hard and that our relationship would need to be scarified so that she can function. I told her that I totally get that. I did tell her that I drew a lot of my strength from our relationship and that where we differed. She admitted that wanting me so badly and to have our future together was weighing on her. Not only did the quarantine have to end, but her ex-husband was to get his job relocated to near where I live. The latter is the biggest anxiety we had since it was a long shot. One of us relocation across the country was not exactly ideal or practical.
At this point, we send a few messages a week, we still tell each other we love and miss each other, but that is going to get old SUPER fast.
I am not the best communicator or know how to be creative, so I am desperate for ideas. or ways to keep the relationship alive.
submitted by sons_shadow to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.27 21:22 Peregrinebullet Old Trip Report - May-June 2016 - 24 days

PART 1
So I was going through old emails and pictures and found detailed writeups that I sent a friend of mine during our 2016 Japan trip. My friend had never been to Japan and knew nothing about it, so I'll edit/ condense them for clarity, as I got into some pretty basic explanations that I'm sure a lot of you have figured out already.
** don't think too hard about the dates/timeline, as I condensed and sometimes didn't have time to tell Friend about things until a few days later, so the emails backtrack to previous days a few times -*\*
We were planning on going again this year or next year with our toddler, but alas, pandemic. COVID-19 having slowed down content on this subreddit, I figured some people would still find this a fun read.
We did a 4 person trip (myself, my husband (B), my sister (S) and her boyfriend (K)) for 24 days, sharing accommodations and fair bit of food/transport costs, depending on what we were doing. We ended up realizing that increasing convenience or comfort generally didn't cost a lot more than the cheapest options, so we often paid an extra $5-8/ night to get a business hotel instead of a hostel. We also opted for the convenience of the JR pass (which paid off for us) and the Jetfoil ferry.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Here's our budget in CAD - Rough planned (actual): pp = per person
Planned budget:
Plane ticket for [SISTER] & [SISTER's BF]- $800- 1000pp (Actual cost: $1100cad pp for YVR-PVG-NRT round trip)
Plane tickets for husband and I: 150K Alaska miles +$220cad (YVR-NRT direct)
Tokyo accommodations - 180 pp ($189 - $121 pp at Hotel Horidome Villa, 2 rooms x 3 days, then $68 pp at an airbnb near Oku Station x3)
Kyoto Accommodations - 123 pp ($367pp for 13 days at an japanese townhouse airbnb near Sanjo Station)
Food - 400 pp (I didn't end up tracking what we ate, but it was closer to $500 as we ate so many snacks and tried a lot of restaurants).
21 day JR Rail pass - 570 pp ($692 pp with taxes - the cost went up between us planning the trip and actual purchase, several months later)
Attractions - 200 pp ($10 per attraction/15 days of attractions) ($250-ish - didn't track this super closely).
Hiroshima Accomodations - no estimate ( 32.84 pp - I forget which hotel, but in honesty, it was a pretty forgettable hotel that smelled like cigarettes even though we had picked "non-smoking" and had a very squeaky bed)
Kagoshima Accomodations - no estimate ($34 pp - APA Hotel Kagoshima Chuo-Ekimae)
Jetfoil Ferry from Kagoshima - Yakushima Roundtrip - ($202pp - free booking through Yes Yakushima)
Yakushima accommodations - 85 pp (330 total) ($97 pp for 3 nights at Minshuku Iwakawa)
Yakushima Island tour - 100pp ($136 pp )
Yakushima Anbo River kayaking - 100 pp ($86 pp )
Yakushima bike rentals - 15pp (didn't end up renting bikes)
Kyoto daily transit - 70 pp ($5/day for approx 12 days) (ended up renting bikes for $30 pp + 20 deposit (which they returned to us - we used the bus twice, the rest of the time was us biking around or using our JR passes to do day trips)
Kinosaki Onsen ($86 pp for 1 night in the cheapest "nice" Ryokan we could find, Sinonomesou)
Other (souvenirs, essentials, LH's) - 300pp (ha... my sister managed about $400, I was $600, as I ended up getting a tattoo - the guys didn't buy much.)
Tokyo Skyliner + Keisei tickets: $44 pp
Total per person minus plane tickets = $3145
Total for S & K (including plane ticket) - $ 4200ish CAD ea
$3145 divided by 24 is approx $131 per day.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Reminder:
B = Husband
S = Sister
K = Sister's boyfriend.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DAY 1 (Tokyo)
(No email report, as I was too tired).
Flew into Narita, negotiated our way to the skyliner without Tooooo much difficulty, and met up with my sister and her BF at Hotel Horidome Villa. Pretty comfy little business hotel, and we had two adjacent rooms. We were a bit tall for the beds (B is 5'11" and K is 6'1"), but it wasn't the end of the world. My husband could almost span the room with his arms. Used the tokyo subway tickets that came included with our Keisei Skyliner tickets to get around. First experience of Japanese 7/11 and ended up bringing an entire bag full of snacks back to our hotel room to try, which we ate while watching incomprehensible Japanese TV, then fell asleep
Day 2 (Tokyo) - first email
We walked around for nearly 8 hours and holy crap, I am looking forward to soaking in the tub in our room. Despite the bathroom being so tiny, the tub is actually big enough to accommodate my thighs, Which is more than can be said for the one back home! ( I'm not a skinny person).
Due to jet lag, we fell asleep around 8pm last night and I woke up at 4 am. B always sleeps longer than I do, so I basically read for 2 hours, waiting for him to wake up.
Then we went to the gym. We have an anytime membership, and they weren't kidding. You literally can use it anywhere in the world. There's an Anytime fitness about 6 blocks from our hotel. We walk in, and about 4 old Japanese men who were on the machines just stop and STARE at us as we walked past them.
They try to be surreptitious about it, but it's a constant thing. I make a point of catching their eyes, and they quickly look away, then try to sneak another look, and then get embarrassed because I'm still watching them with raised eyebrows. Me and K got the worst of it later in the day, because I was wearing a red dress and K has visible tattoos.
The red dress thing was a surprise, because I had no idea that Japanese people really only wear like 5 colours when out in public here in Tokyo - black, navy, white, pale blue or beige. The school uniforms tend to be one of these colours and most men wear black or navy business suits of varying formality.
Literally, every person we saw who was wearing a different colour turned out to not be Japanese - either we ended up hearing them speak a different language, or they were obviously tourists. I knew I was already going to stand out, having red hair, but this was a bit ridiculous.
First thing in the morning, we went out to a breakfast place that served American food ("Bubby's"). Despite being advertised as a family restaurant, the mug S drank coffee out of had a caption of "F%*KING FRESH" on it. It took us quite awhile to find it and after that, we decided that 7/11 breakfasts were the way to go, both convenience and cost wise.
K also had a hilarious mishap in the morning while snapchatting with his mom, which I will copy-paste his own words:
Note to self: Be careful of the angles when snapchatting pictures of yourself in a Japanese robe with a beer. A few degrees can change a photo from G to 18A. ‪#‎justwantedacoolangle‬ ‪#‎sorrymom‬
After breakfast, we went down to Shibuya, which is where the giant 6 way cross walk is that you often see in pictures of Tokyo. Since we had been up so ridiculously early, we had missed most of the morning crowds up until this point. But once we hit Shibuya, rush hour was in full swing. People were 7-9 rows deep on the metro platforms and it was sea of dudes in business suits. People didn't quite have to be pushed onto the trains by white gloved attendants, but it was a close thing.
Gaijin perimeter was in full effect though, and people avoided standing near us a lot of the time. We wandered around Shibuya for about an hour, venturing off the main shopping street into the twisty back alleyways. At one point, we found about 12 love hotels in three blocks.
We also found what I like to call "The saddest playground in Tokyo", featuring PTSD Panda and Mr. Tiger.
After the huge crowds in Shibuya, I was aching for some quiet, so we headed to the Imperial Palace Gardens. However, we made a wrong turn, and went half way around the grounds in the wrong direction, so we didn't get to see the public gardens (by the time we realized our mistake, we had been walking for 25 mins and were at the opposite end of the compound)
It wasn't a loss though, because the exterior of the palace grounds is still really cool. I only got a couple pictures of the walls and guard towers, but it was eerie how perfectly manicured all the plants and grass were. We wouldn't put it past the Japanese Imperial household to clip the grass by hand, you know? It had that kind of feel to it. We don't know if it was the case, but everything was utterly perfect looking.
After the Imperial gardens, we came back to our hotel room and I passed out for about two hours - it was only like 3 pm, but we'd been walking around since 8am, plus I had done a run, so my feet were killing me.
After my (utterly delicious and much needed) nap, we went to the Tokyo Skytree. We got there right at sunset and it was gorgeous. It was really crazy to see how far the city extended - literaly, buildings as far as the eye could see (it was an overcast day, so the mountains that surround Tokyo were not visible.)
One thing that surprised me about Tokyo is it's not as dense as I thought. it would be. Everything is compact and small, but it's rare for a building to be over 12 stories. 6-8 stories was more likely, except for some of the government buildings and just right around the main metro stations. It was more just endless amounts of urban sprawl.
I've had Tokyo described to me as a "dirty great city" and that seems to be the truth - it's just a huge city that goes on for miles and miles. But because the metro system here is so extensive, you can cross it in like 40 mins, no problem. The metro system is super easy to get around - I barely remember any of my Japanese lessons, but didn't really need them.
However, I did make one embarrassing flub - I mixed up the words for "this is" and "Where is" - Kore is this is and doko is "where is" .
So I confused several station attendants when asking for directions.
Imagine a foreigner marching up to you and saying "This is the ginza line!" instead of "Where is the ginza line?" I asked three station attendants and a police officer this before I figured out my mistake and they all gave me looks like I was crazy.
DAY 3 + 4 (Tokyo + Kyoto)
OK, I'm awake now (slept 11 hours, jesus christ). I have walked more in the last three days than I have walked in months, good lord.
I forgot to tell you about a funny part of the Tokyo Skytree - they have a fucking window cleaner musical. They have a performance of window cleaners projected onto the windows, (the actors, thankfully, are NOT outside the 900 ft tower) where they sing and clean the windows in a synchronized fashion, then all march onto the floor with a brass band. I wish I was joking. I couldn't understand a word of it though, so I have no idea what they were singing about exactly.
After that we went downstairs and explored the mall underneath the skytree for a few hours - it was actually a lot of fun and we found a store completely devoted to cheese. Best. cheesecake. I've.ever.had.
As for yesterday, we got up and and took the Metro out to Shinjuku, where our friend's hotel was. (We were meeting up with some friends from China)
Remember how for Day 2, I said that we hadn't quite gotten to the point where white gloved station attendants were pushing people onto trains? Well, I had my first experience with it yesterday. The train was packed, we squeezed on, and about ten people got on behind us.
There was an awkward pause as you realize the doors weren't going to close unless something was done. I was already half buried under B's armpit, with my opposite arm and purse buried between two tall (for Japanese) business men, with another dude glued to my back.
Then the shove came and I was knocked into the two business guys. I wasn't even holding onto anything. The crush of people held me upright for about five stops, which was all kinds of no fun, because you can guess at the sort of momentum that the train drivers have to deal with when braking and accelerating with a packed train like that. Everyone got pushed around and elbows in places that you don't want elbows as the train stopped and started.
When we got to Shinjuku, it was pretty different from where our hotel was (we're in Nihonbashi). Lots of wide avenues and modern development. The suited Japanese businessmen were still everywhere. Our friends were staying in the Shinjuku Washington, and they reported that their hotel room (despite being much newer) was no bigger than ours.
We wandered around Shinjuku looking for breakfast, and our friends, both being Chinese, and thus indistinguishable from the Japanese, were shocked at our Gaijin Perimeter abilities. The crowds parted in front of B like sailboats dodging out of the way of a tanker, and giving him the same sort of wide berth, to the point where some people were stepping out onto the street.
We found a ramen place called Ichiran which had decent ratings. It was also very much the sort of place that drunk people would stumble into during their walk of shame. Everything was designed so that you could have minimal interaction with other human beings.
You ordered your ramen from a ticket machine, and then there was four bar style rows, each with a little cubby that shut you off from your neighbour (though the cubby walls could be folded away).
You pushed the ticket through a small bamboo screen and you were handed back a preference sheet that you ticked off - how spicy, how rich, what type of noodles, what veggies, and you returned it through the screen. Minutes later, a bowl of ramen ordered to your preferences would be pushed through the screen. You could literally accomplish all of this without saying a single word and the server was never visible - At most, you saw their hands through the screen. Perfect for anyone with social anxiety.
After that, we headed out on the JR lines to Tokyo DisneySea. You heard that right, DisneySea, not Disneyland. They are adjacent park, but the major difference is that DisneySea serves booze. Not that we had any (booze was not immune to Disney prices).
On a purely artsy level, DisneySea was awesome - everything was gorgeously and meticulously decorated. While walking through "King Triton's Castle"(as opposed to the Sleeping Beauty's castle that you'd find in the regular disney parks), we noticed that every single tile in every single mosaic was in fact engraved with pictures of Ariel, Flounder and Prince Eric. Not the same picture either - different poses and positions.
There was a huge Steampunk flavour to the park too. Everything was pretty to look at and the amount of detail was insane.
It was crowded though and the rides were ok. We only went on about 6 of them, but they were fun. Again, more just from the artsy side of it. I would say it was worth what we paid, but only just barely. I will say this though, when set free from the uniform requirements of black, navy and beige "NormCore" colours (according to my sister, that's the name that's used for that type of fashion?), Japanese people seem to have terrible taste in clothing. Lots of mixed neons and plaid.
I also got an extremely awkward sunburn, because I under-estimated how far the neckline of my dress went down and didn't put on sunscreen that far down. :/ It itches. The sun here does not play around, we had to buy 50SPF+++ sunscreen (which is everywhere, thank goodness)
We got home and passed out super quick last night. This morning, we woke up early and packed up our room, because we were heading to Kyoto today.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SO, EIGHT HOURS LATER, WE ARE NOW IN KYOTO.
Kyoto is crazy different from Tokyo.
Big difference? The Japanese business-suited business man has completely disappeared. Now there's people walking around in actual kimonos (We saw no kimonos in Tokyo. none.) Oh, and people are wearing colours. Actual colours.
We booked out of our hotel around 10am and dragged our suitcases over to Tokyo station, which was around 20 minutes away on foot. Not bad at all, but it was a hot day. Also, the bank of Japan headquarters looks like a fortress and there is one office building just before the station that is entirely covered in roses - we're talking a 6 storey building. Completely covered in roses. It was pretty cool.
Tokyo station is just nuts. There are 24 platforms, both local and shinkansen trains. It is a white tiled rabbit warren. B and K's gaijin perimeter was invaluable when we were rushing through the crowds to catch our train.
There was also a mall beneath the station, and much of it was devoted to different stores that featured a particular character. Japan has a tendency to make a cutesy character mascot for everything. Literally everything.
Every prefecture, every city, has a character mascot. Most of the big companies have them. Some of them, like Domo-kun have gotten extremely popular. Others, like Snoopy, have been taken, bastardized, and then grown into something that bypasses all of their origins. There were, of course, stores dedicated to these two guys, and several others as well. My favourite was the Studio Ghibli store (obviously).
There was alot of specialized food places, of varying quality, including a standing sushi bar.
The shinkansen train was really new experience for me. I've been on really fast trains before - I've been on the TGV trains in France, but I was really too young to remember much about it. However, Shinkansen bullet trains are pretty ridiculous, in a very cool way.
First, they're extremely long - about 16 cars. Of course, our reserved seats were in the very last car, so we had to hike down the platforms with our bags (about 200 m and it was very very crowded).
They're arranged pretty much like an airplane, with overhead and under seat storage and similar seats and once you actually get going, you don't really process how fast you're going, unless the train passes really close to something. Most of the scenery passes much like it would if you were in a car. But when something passed by at less than 5 m, it was literally so blurred that you could not distinguish what it was. Several trains passed us on the adjacent track and you could not even distinguish the windows.
The Japanese countryside is really neat - Everything is really dense, and then there's wild countryside. They don't really do "suburbia" in the sense that north america does. There was very clear demarcations between human habitation, farmland and wilderness, and you didn't see much overlap. The mountains here are gorgeous, but wayyyy smaller than the ones back home. They seem gentler too, but it's hard to say, because I don't know what Japanese hiking habits are.
We went by mount Fuji too :))
Upon reaching Kyoto, it was much hotter and much more casual. As I mentioned earlier, the business suits have disappeared and everything is older and feels more organic, so to speak.
The townhouse were are staying in is extremely old and has tatami flooring, and we're sleeping on futons as well. There's a supermarket 1 block away and we had a lot of fun attempting to decipher what the hell different foods were. Sometimes my ability to read some Kanji helped, but most of it is a mystery, because Japan tends to favour cutesy drawings over pictures of products on their packaging.
Also, vegetables and fruit are very very photogenic here. Apparently, Japanese people are willing to pay a lot of money to eat "perfect" looking foods. The carrots we bought were fat, bright orange and perfectly shaped. That was the only option. Same goes for every other veggie we could find.
We also had a super awkward moment when we discovered that Japanese supermarkets do not give you bags. B and I bought a basket worth of food, then discovered that we had no way to carry it home easily.
So we opted for the most ridiculous route, and carried it all back to the apartment balanced in our arms. People were openly smirking at us, but oh well. How were we supposed to know? :P
Super tired today, so we're having a night in. S, K and B have been drinking the super cheap alcohol that you can buy in the supermarket. We'll be going to bed soon, because we're boring like that .

Day 5 (Kyoto)
We rented bikes for commuting around Kyoto. Kyoto is full of contradictions. The locals bike everywhere it seems, except on the actual designated bike lanes. But you would not believe the glares we get when we ring our little bike bells to get wandering Japanese Obasans (old women) out of our way, because they're in the middle of the bike path. There's also signs everywhere that tell you where not to park your bikes - only to have half a dozen bikes parked in front of them.
We rode up and down both sides of the Kamo river, which is in the middle of Kyoto - and there were a bunch of hawks and cranes up and down the river. The hawks were fighting quite low to the ground and nearly buzzed B at one point. Later on, we saw them steal a sandwich out of a girl's hand. She burst into tears and I don't blame her - I worked with birds and that still looked terrifying.
I should also note that it's fucking hot out. The airbnb we are renting has 2 bedrooms but only one of the bedrooms has A/C. So all four of us are crammed into one room on futons because the other room is enough to make anyone melt. We've been using the other room as a "dressing room" and keeping all our bags in there.
Day 6 (Kyoto)
So I have a massive case of bike butt right now.
As in, I've been on a bike for more than 20 hours in the last three days, and I have a seat shaped bruise on my ass. I wish I was joking.
Still by far the best way to get around Kyoto (and the cheapest - we only paid about $45 for a two week rental) but jeez, you pay for it in other ways. :P I'm going to be sitting funny for a few days!
Today was a lot of fun - we went out to Arashiyama (Biked to Nijo JR station from our airbnb - about 22 mins, then used JR pass), which is a district on the far side of Kyoto from where we are staying (we're in Gion, which is the famous geisha district - did you ever hear of the book/movie Memoirs of a Geisha? That's where it's set). Arashiyama is a gorgeous area, with steep mountains and these really beautiful gorges. It started raining like crazy, so we didn't go on the scenic train like we had been planning to, but we visited the Monkey park, which was a lot of fun.
Japan only has one species of monkey - the Japanese Macaque. They're not very big - they'd be about knee height on you, but they have red faces and red butts. They're the ones you see in pictures sitting in the hot springs! The ones at this particular park are a part of a study group and there's about 130 of them. The monkey park is also a 20 minute hike up a mountain, so it has a gorgeous view of the entirety of Kyoto - from the opposite perspective than the one we had at Kiyomizu dera (which I will tell you about in a bit).
We hiked up to the top of the mountain, the monkeys were mostly just laying around and chilling out. Some were grooming each other, and a lot of the younger ones were running around playing. They're right underfoot! You weren't allowed to touch them or crouch down to look at them (it's a dominance thing apparently) but they were super chill around humans and only avoided direct contact.
One of the cool things you could do up here was feed them! Y100 yen got you a bag of apples or nuts and you could feed them at a designated feeding station, where they'll take the food right out of your hand.
They would crowd around and I got really lucky, because the macaque that came up to me to take the apples was a mother with a very young baby - he was so tiny, about 7 inches long, and was clinging to her belly and nursing as she ate the apples. Completely adorable. I also got pictures of her letting him wander around and explore later.
We came down from the monkey park and mostly just browsed the tourist shops, because the weather was so bad and sat in the the covered foot bath at one end of the high street.
~~
Kiyomizu dera is about 35 minutes south of our airbnb by bike, and it was a pretty cool ride until the very end - we managed about a quarter of the hill on our bikes, then had to walk up the rest of the way. The temple up is a narrow street lined with shops and there's tour buses everywhere, so walking ended up being safer. We really enjoyed wandering around the temple - it was crowded, but not claustrophobic and the view over Kyoto was gorgeous. There's tons of little side paths and little grottos that are sort of lurking around the main temple and pagoda, so you can spend quite a while just wandering. We checked out the shops on the way back down the hill and it was super nice.

(Kyoto)
We got up super early and went to the Aoi Matsuri festival (15 minutes bike ride from our airbnb). I'm not entirely sure on the origins for this one (it's one of the oldest ongoing "festivals" in Japan - about 1100 years) but it's very sombre. It's a processional from the Kyoto Imperial palace up to a temple about three kilometres upriver, and apparently it was originally done to appease the gods after a series of disasters at that point. All the costumes are modeled after the Heian era (about 900 years ago) and everyone carries hollyhock branches and the processional attendants carry an unmarried woman who was chosen as "Saio Dai" through out the procession, basically a priestess who leads the appeasement rituals.
Generally, the Saio Dai has to wear 12 layers of robes. It was about 27 C yesterday. I'm surprised she didn't melt. It was interesting to watch from an anthropological standpoint (everyone was wearing shoes made of reeds) but there was nothing to really engross the casual observer and we couldn't understand the chanting or the loudspeaker announcements at all. We left after about 40 minutes, as there was precious little shade.
The funniest thing we saw was that someone in a security guard uniform was basically in charge of making sure the processional's horses peed into a garbage bag instead of onto the parade route.
Afterwards, we biked around several of the temples just north of our apartment ( a lot of them are world heritage sites, and very beautiful, but Kyoto is very much a place where there is a temple on every block, so you have to be picky about the ones you go to). They were all beautiful and serene, but there weren't many differences between them.
After that, we biked down to Kyoto Station to get some ramen from the ramen alley (35 min bike ride straight down the river pathway, then across). In the station, up on the 10th floor, there is a section with 12 little ramen shops, each with a different style of ramen. S and K went to a ramen place elsewhere in Kyoto and ended up getting ramen that was wayyy to spicy for them, so they were in a lot of, ah, discomfort this morning. We've been taking it easy the last few days, as we haven't been getting much sleep. The person we're renting an apartment from didn't really give us good futons, so we've been pretty much laying on the hard tatami. Thankfully, the problem was sorted today and I hope tonight we can get a good sleep!

(Kyoto)
So, since I've always wanted to try on a kimono, but lacked the funds to get one of my own (they cost about $5000 minimum, due to the amount of embroidery they often have), we went to a kimono studio.
Most of the people walking around Kyoto are wearing yukata instead of kimono. Most good yukata will still set you back about $200 though, (but we ended up getting nice cotton ones from a cool 2nd hand shop in downtown Kyoto - we still use them as our summer bath robes).
So I was looking for places to rent them from (there's plenty) but I also discovered a place that will dress one up in a full kimono, as well as put on all the traditional geisha makeup. My sister wanted to try this too, so off we went the day before yesterday. It's a little three story studio several blocks south of where we were staying, that called itself the "Maiko Experience". Despite the good reviews, I thought it might be touristy, but the clientele was about 50% Japanese as well. Several older Japanese ladies were in the make up and dressing rooms with us.
Turns out that being belted into a proper kimono is NOT something you can do yourself. I had some vague ideas that you needed help to do it properly, but it's often a two or three person job.
We were put into makeup first. Traditional Maiko make up is where they paint your skin and neck completely white (with the exception of a small area at the back of your neck, because apparently it's erotic to have a small bit of skin showing through layers of white paint?) The white makeup feels pretty much like paint but they basically buff you non stop with a powder puff to get it to smooth out and cover everything, including the entirety of our lips.
The eye makeup wasn't too different from what some people would do - red/pink shading around the outer eyes and black kohl liner, which shows up quite dramatically against the white face paint. What was weird to me is that she spent several minutes painting my eyebrows red, then overlaying it with black kohl.
The effect was very interesting though, and one I saw it properly after she was finished, I figured out what she was going for. It makes for a far deeper and more subtle look than just putting black would have done. Just black would have made me look like I had huge black caterpillar eyebrows. Adding the red blended the whole thing with the eye makeup and added a lot of depth. Which is a weird comment to make about eyebrows.
The lips were the most annoying part. If you've ever seen pictures of traditional geisha makeup, you'll notice that they often only paint one of their lips fully (usually the bottom) and only a little line or a half done on the upper. This is because if you actually painted your entire lips with a white face, you'd end up looking like a ridiculous clown.
I don't have Resting Bitch Face or anything, but my default expression is definitely not a close-lipped smile, which is what the make up artist required to apply the lip paint. I had trouble keeping a close lipped smile while concentrating on keeping everything else still and, in her very meek Japanese way, I could tell she was annoyed with me, because every time I concentrated on keeping still, my mouth would return to a neutral position. Either way, it came out crooked and it caused a flurry among the hairdressers later when they noticed it and swooped in to fix it.
They don't torture you by doing your hair in the geisha hairstyles (which were usually expected to last for days), so they have a half wig that they comb your hair over and paint black.
After that, you pick what kimono you want to wear (I went with pink, my sister chose blue), and you get strapped into them.
I'm not even joking, it's like getting trussed up into a corset. There's about three layers of underwear, and while my sister had no problems (her shape being more similar to the typical Japanese woman), I could tell my boobs were giving the dressers trouble. Lots of untying and rearranging of padding, before being tugged tight again. Apparently they try to make you cylindrical shaped before they even put the kimono on. No buttons or anything - everything is held in place by cotton cords. Still pretty merciless on the breathing though.
After satisfying themselves with the undergarments (and they are not sexy undergarments ) we moved onto the kimono.
Kimonos come in one standard length, and the dresser folds them up to match your height. So this caused another problem, because all the padding they had put underneath to even me out had to be rearranged so that I didn't look pregnant when they folded up the kimono layers . By the end of it, you are trussed up so tightly that you are forced to have good posture and can't really even bend at the waist too good - all bending over is done with the knees.
However, that's half the pleasure of wearing corsets anyways (your back is forced to be straight, which alleviates a lot of aches) so it wasn't that bad.
We were taken for a couple studio pictures, then given ten minutes to take our ownpictures. B noted that he barely recognized us through the make up and we took a couple funny shots (as funny as you can get with your movement restricted like that, while wearing okobo sandals (which you should google). They're as hard to balance on as they look.
After washing off all the make up (also a lengthy process), we had a pretty quiet day in, as we have been going full speed for the last several days.
Yesterday, we went down to Osaka. We were late starting out, so we didn't get to do as much as we wanted, but we took the shinkansen down and went to the Kaiyukan Aquarium, which was extremely impressive. It's a 7 story structure, and all the tanks are layers so that as you walk down through the aquarium, you re-encounter the same tanks, but at different depths.
There's also a massive, 9 m x 34 m x 40m "Pacific Ocean tank" that takes up the majority of the middle of the building. It's about 4 storeys high and actually contains a whale shark, the only one in captivity. Half of the walkways have windows that open out onto this tank, so you could look at it from different perspectives. We also got to watch several feedings, though as per usual, everything is in Japanese, so we have no idea what the trainers are actually saying.
After the Aquarium, there's a giant ferris wheel thing that's 112m tall next to it, so we went on that, which gave us a pretty cool view of the city. Osaka is much denser than Tokyo, with taller buildings, but spread over less of an area. It had way more of a "crowded dirty city" vibe too. We might go back to check out Osaka castle.
(Kinosaki Onsen) (days 9-10?)
Good lord, did I ever get massaged into submission. And not even by anything alive. Our hotel room in Kinosaki had a rather frightening but extremely effective massage chair. As it, it was so effective that you had to make sure the massaging bits didn't push you right out of the chair before it was finished turning you into mashed potatoes. It was an impulsive trip - we didn't even know Kinosaki onsen existed until we were in Kyoto a few days, and decided to spend an overnight here - we left our suitcases at our airbnb in kyoto and just took a small bag each with toiletries and a change of clothes. It was worth keeping the Kyoto airbnb, because it meant we didn't have to haul heavy bags around when we were exploring.
Also, Kinosaki is probably the my favourite spot of our vacation so far. Not only did we have amazingly comfortable beds.... there was seven different onsens (hot spring baths) within walking distance of our hotel.
I know you're a loving connoseur of hot water, so this place would be heaven for you. Basically, this was a town devoted to multitude of ways that you can douse yourself in hot water.
Do you want it hot enough to turn you into a tomato? Check. Whirlpool jets? check. Outdoor hot pools set under a tumbling waterfall? Check. Stone benches to sit on with hot water running down the backs? check. Outdoor hot pools in rock lined grottos? Check. Steam rooms? Check Free and unlimited access to seven onsens that offer these diversions? check. (generally, your onsen fees are included in your hotel cost).
Plus, the hotels provide you with yukata (light kimono) to wear while wandering around the village, and you can move freely between onsen while they're open. It's extremely comfortable and makes everyone look colourful.
We had a lot of fun with it, and like all Japanese bathhouses, nudity is a given. Other than that, my sister and I got stared at a lot there (sort of like how it was in Tokyo - lots of side eye and awkward looking away when I caught their eye). The best example was when they started laughing at something I did by accident.
A bit of background - when you go into the bathing area in the onsen, you're only allowed to bring one teeny towel to "cool" yourself with. You're also not supposed to leave it laying around, so most people just fold it up....and set it on top of their heads. There's variations of course, but generally, it's just sitting there.
Not being used to this, I would usually forget it was there and drop it in the water whenever I tilted my head. After this happening three times, I've finally managed to keep the awareness of keeeping my head level down to a science. Then I started sneezing randomly while sitting on the side of the bath. violent huge AHHHCHOOOS. Shit, there goes my towel! I snatch for it, fumble, and manage to catch it just before it hits the water. All of the ladies in the tub burst out laughing. They're not laughing at me maliciously (it did look pretty funny) .... but I was in a corner, not really in the middle of anything. They were all watching anyways!
K and B had a very different experience - basically any tub they sat in, all the japanese guys got up and moved to the other tub.

See part 2 below
submitted by Peregrinebullet to JapanTravel [link] [comments]


2020.09.26 19:47 RochesterMeetup 28/28 [MF4F] Rochester, MN Seriously not trying to be hunters

Yes we are a couple and New to poly in general. But we've read all the books, all the sites, all the advice, spoken with many poly people including family members and close friends, so we hope we're doing this right.
I'm saying we because I'm speaking for both of us, but our dream is to eventually end up in a non-hierarchal polyfi throuple. How we get there, if we do, is of course subject to everyone involved, not just our own desires. So it can start as Single then introductions, or start as a triad, maybe just talk in general, it's completely up in the air how it works. Since it is all new relationships being built and you can't go into any relationship with the intent to just have it go one way, we're open to however the chips may fall.
About us, we've been married 10 years, which is the biggest reason we aren't posting seperatly. Homeowners, happy stable family with a single 7 year old, no drama or desire for poly to "fix" a relationship. We're both kind, caring, supportive people who usually put others before ourselves.
We understand that dating an established couple can be difficult or intimidating because you feel like a third wheel, and we hope to mitigate that as much as possible. Open and honest communication is the foundation of our relationship and we intend to carry that forward, so as long as anyone interested is open with what is wanted or needed, then we will do everything we can, together or individually, to work things out. Relationships require work after all.
She's a stay at home mom who loves to read, crochet, cross stitch, write, listen to music and go on walks. Shy, introvert with diagnosed anxiety, which is another reason we have a single post. If there's anyone to start dating with, it would be her as she's the more romantic and date worthy. Emotionally supportive and looking to help people who need it. Bi/demisexual cis-female so don't expect to jump straight into a relationship.
He's a mechanic, gamer, book reader and music geek. Stoic, pragmatic, logical, responsible, and handy. Not much of a talker, but a strong shoulder to cry on if needed. Will try to fix problems instead of listening and handles most of the cooking. Straight but keeps an open mind cis-male. Will change your oil if you ask nicely or offer beer.
If you want to know more, feel free to PM with questions or for other contact info. Mostly putting this out there for people to be aware of in case there's anyone looking locally for poly or couples. We're in no rush and not looking for anything shallow or a hookup.
If we need to make any changes, please let us know mods, not looking to step on any toes. And the account is from when I tried to set up a general Meetup for our city pre-corona. It didn't work, all the people ghosted us, but I still kept the account because it's nice not having to use my main that gets involved in politics and gaming stuff.
submitted by RochesterMeetup to polyamoryR4R [link] [comments]


2020.09.26 17:51 readingrachelx Brandi Glanville Unfiltered Podcast Summary – Sept. 24, 2020 episode with Andy Cohen

submitted by readingrachelx to RHDiscussion [link] [comments]


2020.09.26 15:50 fzybuni Did I do the right thing?

UPDATE: thank you Reddit for talking me out of questioning if I should take this guy back.... I already knew it was the right decision, I just needed to hear someone else say it.
Ok, it’s 5am, and all of my friends are still asleep because it’s Saturday, and I keep the sleep schedule of an old lady... but I need someone to tell me that I did the “right” thing. I apologize of the novel, and if no one cares. I also realize I’m “too old” and he”too old”....
So, I (39F) am a real ambitious, driven type of person. But in an introverted way. I have lots of fancy higher education and advanced degrees. I used to have lots of friends with similar interests, I used to be a different person. I’m even a certified Master Knitter, a real focused type nerd.
Then, my marriage fell apart because my husband had been gaslighting me about our relationship the whole time. I thought we were “till death do us part” and he thought we were “I’m going to tell her whatever she wants to hear, then I’m going to go do whatever I want anyway.” He ended our relationship because his affair partner, a co-worker of mine, gave him an ultimatum.
After this, I was a mess. A depressed, miserable mess. I didnt do anything I loved anymore. My ex and I had moved for my job, and I was stuck in a rather unfortunate town, for a variety of reasons. It was honestly kind of a nightmare divorce scenario. That has now turned into a rather fragile coparenting scenario.
I was absolutely at my worst. But about 6 months after I had started getting my shit together. I got a new job, and took a HUGE paycut. But my family is relatively wealthy, so I knew I had a financial safety net, and tried to make it on my own as a single mom.
About this time, I met a guy (56M). He was a nice guy, he had a good job. He didn’t have any obvious red flags. He was hard working and confident. Very “Alpha Male” in his personality. He let me know that not every man thought I was horrible like my ex husband.
I was real tentative to start a relationship. My therapist told me is was a bad idea. But he kept pushing it, and I kept giving in.
One thing I don’t like about him, is that he was always very critical. I can actually credit him with really kicking me into overdrive on recovery. Because for 2 years, I have been taking care of everything he complains about, so that he can’t make me feel bad for something. I’ve actually kicked some pretty persistent bad habits, like I actually fold my laundry now, instead of just throwing it on the guest bed and diving through the pile. It didn’t bother me, I always took his laundry out and hung it up. But he sure seemed to have a problem with it and thought it was a moral flaw on my part. And I was always like “Just close the door if you don’t want to see it?”
He and I got into a big blow up about 6 months ago, because he was trying to make me jealous of other women. And I lost it. So since that time I decided to actually listen to everyone, and tell him when I don’t like something. So we’ve had a lot of long exhausting talks lately. He’ll say I’m right, and he’ll stop letting my ex husbands affair partners drive his $80,000 truck around town because, her car isn’t running well, because she is obviously using him.
He would say “I’m just being nice”, and I would say “she is manipulating you.” For example.
About 6 weeks ago, he suffered a pretty severe injury at work, and in all probability, he can’t go back and do his job. So he came to my house (he split time between town and a remote job site every two weeks). And, it’s been a struggle for my daughter (9F), and I since. Him being here all the time has made it impossible to ignore the previous issues. I’m better now, I have my self esteem back. I know I’m pretty cool again.
I love him, and offered to do whatever he needed multiple times. I was looking for a single story place for us to all rent together, and I was going to help him make this change in life. And I told him that, and he replied with “what makes you think I want your life?”
And he continues to be an asshole, except now he is also developing a pain pill issue and his until now, functional alcoholism, has become nonfunctional alcoholism. Literally all I ask him to do is “don’t call my daughter fat”, and “don’t ditch me when we have plans without calling” and “don’t cheat on me.”
So I finally said “Look, you need to either change, and not stand me up for planned dates to go drink with your friends. Or, you can leave.”
And he said some rather awful things about how he liked me better before I “went through all this self improvement”, and then said he wasn’t going to change for anyone. I knew this is who he was from the beginning, and I could deal with it if I wanted him in my life.
So, I asked him to be out of my apartment before I got home at 5, and went to work. He said he “didn’t want to talk anymore” and we should do this like “adults”, so I deleted his number, and moved on.
He was gone when I got back, and weirdly my snow tires weren’t here, but everything else was. He took everything that could be called “his”, and left everything he bought for my apartment to replace my stuff that he hated.
Then about 10:30 pm, the texts start. I was honestly surprised to hear from him. I maybe got a little meaner than I needed to be. I should have just not replied at all. But in a nutshell, he is regretting my decision to break up with him, and he is giving me the chance to change my mind.
He also showed his hand during this conversation and admitted to taking my stupid tires so I would have to contact him. And then I replied with a screen grab from a conversation with my sister where she says “if he pulls some asshole move like taking the TV or something, let me know and I’ll have one in your house in 2 days.”
And, because I’m human, that’s making me sad. I loved this guy, and I know he’s great. But he made it perfectly obvious that he’s not changing. And I can’t go backwards and be that sad broken woman he met.
He never said “I’m sorry”, he just made excuses. I want to “fix” him so badly, and he doesn’t want to change in any way.
So would someone just tell me if I’m doing the right thing? I feel so bad “abandoning” him, when his life has basically fallen apart. And then having to watch him panic when he realizes that the only person that was willing to help him has kicked him out. Watching him blow up his chance at recovery was heartbreaking, because I really feel like he is going to roll over and die, because I don’t think has has it in him to do the hard emotional work to make me happy.
Old me would have given him another chance, new me, can’t do that.... but it still sucks and it still hurts to watch someone you care about fall apart.
submitted by fzybuni to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.26 15:16 STThornton Tips for Cubs - Part One (since this keeps coming up)

I've been on reddit for a few weeks now, not really looking for anyone. Yet I can already see what other cougars are talking about.
I know this is not the place for dating advice, but the questions keep coming, and the answers are always the same. Some cougars have even taken the time to give more detailed answers, but you boys either didn't see those, or you're still not quite understanding what we mean.
So here is a way more detailed instruction manual that might help save fellow cougars the constant headache and might help cubs to have a bit more success. Yes, you boys are going to have to do some serious reading.
Cougars, please add to this whatever you feel is needed. Or correct as needed :)
Let's get started.

Rule Number One

Know what you want!!
I cannot stress this enough. Saying you want a cougar is the equivalent of you saying you want a vehicle. You do realize that there are countless types of transportation, right? So you entering vehicle into the search engine is probably not the most conducive way of finding what you want. Neither is contacting every dealer of all types of vehicles in your country (or even the world) stating you're looking for a vehicle.
Now, I realize the majority of men, especially young men, is pretty much up for anything. Got news for you boys. Cougars aren't. We've been around the block a time or two and by now, we have a pretty good idea of what we like. Most of you already know that part, hence the constant questions. But there are a few things about women that men, in general, don't seem to understand. We'll get back to that later.
For now, back to the part of knowing what you want. There are multiple parts to this. Get out a pen and a piece of paper. Write down the answers to these questions. It's time for homework.

Part 1 - Find your target audience (the experience)
What kind of experience are you looking for?
Once again, I realize that a lof of men are pretty much up for anything. But this doesn't help the cougar looking for a specific cub. What. Do. You. Want? Is it a one-night-stand or fling or simply the fulfillment of a fantasy? Do you mainly want casual sex, but repeated encounters? Do you mainly want a friends-with-benifits type of situation? Do you want to date casually? Do you want an actual monogamous relationship? Do you want something even more serious and long-term?
I understand that you might be looking for a one-night stand and end up falling in love and getting married. Or want a serious LTR but be open to a one-night stand. But what is your MAIN goal?
That is the very first thing you need to establish. What do you actually want out of this experience?
Your online profiles or even simple messages clearly need to reflect your MAIN goal. If you do want something serious, don't feel like you need to act all cool and tough. If you want love and affection, make that clear. Likewise, don't pretend to want something more if you're looking for straight sex. We're not 20-year olds. We're too old for playing games. If a cougar likes you but wants something other than your main goal, she will probably check to see if you would be interested in something else. But leave that part up to her. Don't think you're going to miss out on sex because you stated LTR. If she wants you, she'll see if you're up for it.
Part 2 - Find your target audience (the cougar)
We already know that you want a vehicle/transportation. But what KIND? A sports car? A truck? A luxury sedan? An SUV? A jeep? A minivan? Something small and good on fuel? A dirtbike? A Harley? A sports spike? A freaking tractor? How about a train? A bus? A combine harvester? Or maybe a moped?
Yes, cougars come in all of those varieties. What we're not is mindreaders.
Nothing makes me roll my eyes like hearing you want a cougar. Ok. So, you're looking for a human. Preferably of the female variety. That really narrows things down.
Even if she IS looking for a cub, how will she know if she fits any of YOUR criteria? I know you're young and you mean well. And it's kind of flattering and sweet to see that you're in awe of an older woman and want one. But, come on! Give a cougar something to work with!
Having reached a certain age, we're no longer interested in being a man's "anything will do". You might want to post this on your bathroom mirror or your computer screen, and repeat it every day.
So, what is it that you picture when you think cougar? Stifler's mom/the MILF? A super sexy woman? A hot woman? An elegant, classy woman? A simple girl-next-door in an older version? A mother figure? A teacher? A woman with an elevated lifetstyle or one with simple tastes? A woman who really has her life together or one who might still be struggling, but getting by? A woman who's still a child at heart or the more serious type? A country girl or a city slicker? Highly romantic, cuddly, passionate or rough, primal fuck?
Short, tall, skinny, BBW, petite, larger frame? Very feminine, more masculine, or the healthy middle? More dominant, more submissive. Mid-range?
How about her style? Heels and evening dress, hot and sexy, jeans and t-shirt, sports wear? Which one would be your first pick? Which one would make you feel the most comfortable? Which one appeals to you the most when it comes to things you like?
Or how about one very important detail: Single only? Married/SO, cheating? Married/SO open relationship? All?
Give us some details!
I know, you're men. As long as she's attractive enough and nice enough, anything will do. SEE ABOVE! We're no longer interested in being a man's anything will do. A lot of cougars have spent a lot of years trying to please a man sexually, emotionally, and every other possible way. We're no longer interested in catering to just a man's desires and needs. Especially when it comes to sex, the roles are now reversed. You're catering to her fantasies (don't worry, it's not as scary as it sounds). But this applies also to relationships. That being said, we also care about what you want. So it's important for us to find someone we can have a mutually beneficial relationship or encounter with. Preferrably without trying too hard or having to go out of our comfort zones.
Now that you've (hopefully) narrowed the list down a bit (I'm assuming we're down to about half the world's human female population), let's make it a little bit smaller yet.
What kind of personality draws you the most? Strong, powerful? Soft, feminine? Bubbly? Serious? Introvert or extrovert? Bookworm, nerdy, geek? Confident? Shy? Take charge or follow? Adventurous? Reserved? Eager to try new things or prefers to stay in her comfort zone? World travel or considers the next town over a grand road trip? Spontaneous or a planner? Get your hands dirty or hire people for that? Manicure and hairstylist or ponytail, homemade color, and dollar store nail clippers? Etc.
Let me guess. Your mind just went blank. Men of all ages generally don't consider this too much. That's why they're having such a hard time dating. So I highly suggest that you spend a good bit of time picturing the type of person that you would feel really comfortable with. Write down what comes to mind. Personality only. Not interests.
And yes, to further narrow down the list (hopefully we're down to around a quarter of the world's human female population by now), here comes the interests.
What you focus on here is your own core values, core interests, and ideal core lifestyle (you might not be able to live it right now, but it makes all the difference).
What is the main core that your lifestyle evolves around? Why does this matter? Go back to the vehicle analogy, you'll have your answer. You don't seriously expect the cougar who has the door to her luxury car opened by a valet to climb into your muddy pick-up truck, do you? And don't think that outdoorsy jeans and t-shirt girl will go anywhere near your luxury upholstery with her dirty hands and clothes. The woman passionate about conservation will give your gas-guzzler of an SUV a dirty look. The compact hybrid would have impressed her. Get my drift? You might not think that it's all that important if you're just looking for sex. But it is. Whether looking for a relationship or just for sex, the cougar is looking for a certain experience. Who you are needs to match this!
Who is the woman you'd be the most comfortable around? The one whose core lifestyle or values match yours the best? Here are some ideas: Casual dining, beach bar, high-class restaurants, BBQ? Finger food or fine dining? Natural parks, zoos, historical sites, beaches, farmer's markets, arts and crafts and food festivals, anything outdoors? Couch potato, hang around the house? Classy/elegant or comfortable? Travel often on weekends or relax at home? City life or country girl? Operas, musicals, elegant events? Animal lover, involved or passionate about causes? Career or money oriented or interest oriented? High energy lifestyle or laid-back, casual? Loves kids or doesn't like them? Has kids or not? Religious/spiritual/faithful or atheist? Conservative leaning or liberal leaning ? Self-improvement or come as you are? Yoga and health food or burgers and fries? Loves to get her hands dirty or prefers to hire someone to do the dirty work?
What do you do the most in your spare time? What is important to you? What are you passionate about? What do you want to experience before you die? What is your ideal date? What is your ideal way of spending time with her (outside of sex, boys!! focus!)? You don't have to go into too many details. Just the very base core.
Once you put all of that together, you're starting to have a general picture of what kind of cougar you're actually looking for. Yes, it narrows down your options. But as it stands right now, you're sending 1000 messages and getting no replies. Certain fish need a certain lure. You can't just wiggle any worm at them (pun intended).
Your online profiles or even simple messages clearly need to reflect the TYPE of cougar you're looking for.
Part 3 - Sexual compatibility
Whether you're looking for a one-night stand or marriage, this is a MAJOR part. I realize that - being younger men - your experience might be limited or even non-existent. But here too, every person has a main core that doesn't change all that much over time. We can expand on it, we can play with other things from time to time, but the core doesn't change.
Once again, what are you looking for in a cougar? Do you want her to be dominant and take charge? Do you want her to gently guide or teach you? Do you want her to want you to be in charge? Do you want it to be pretty equal? Do you want her to be adventurous, the type who pushes limits or more reserved? Do you want her to be patient or demanding?
How about the experience? Rough, hard, primal? Dominant/sub either person in charge? Gentle, loving? Serious, passionate? Fun, playful? Exploratory or vanilla? Yes, you can mix certain elements. Others, not so much. Do you want a lot of feedback or instruction? Or subtle ways to let you know something is good? Would you prefer to talk about the experience after to see what you can improve or was good? Do you enjoy dirty talk or hate it?
Are there any kinks you specifically want to explore? Any kinks you want her to be into? How open are you to experiencing things out of the vanilla (doesn't have to be drastic)? How open do you want her to be? Do you have any absolute no's?
If you're looking for sex only, what is your goal/fantasy? Do you want to be a bull to cuckold couple? Fulfill a mommy fantasy? Fuck a MILF to scratch it off your list of things to do? Worship an older woman? Give someone a good pounding? Have a romantic or passionate night? Is cheating/open relationships a yes or a no? Is it a fetish or simply attraction? Are you looking to fulfill a kink? Do you want to learn and be taught? A simple casual encounter? Short term, long-term, one-night, FWB? Do you lean toward being more serving, more receiving, or very mutual?
I know, those can overlap. Once again: MAIN goals. Pick the one that represents you the best!
Yes, you want a little bit of everything. But, really! Give a cougar some idea of what she's working with! (this should be the theme banner for cougar subreddits) And no, I don't mean the equipment! Save that for when she asks you to see it. Equipment doesn't tell her jack shit about what you are like in bed. Unless she's a size-queen or particularly looking for a big cock (or runs from something too big), your equipment is pretty irrelevant. Sorry to break it to you guys.
One more thing: Since you're dealing with an older (and hopefully more mature) woman, be honest and communicate about things that you're not sure about or are afraid of. This could be as simple as you stating that you're worried about pleasing her, or that you don't know how to do certain things, or something more drastic, like trauma, bad experiences, anxiety (about performance or otherwise), etc.
Yes, a lot of cougars want a take-charge, confident man in bed. But a truly confident man knows his limits and has no issue admitting to them. Even if she does want a take-charge guy, the confident man might say "I'll give it my best try". That's all she wants. It doesn't have to be perfect, especially not the first time. It takes a while to get a good feel for each other in bed. And the fact that he's confident enough to try and confident enough to admit that it might not be perfect is super hot!
Either way, there is NOTHING worse than a man who brags about his skills! Because 99 out of a 100 times, they're not all that good. Even if they were good for other women, they might not work for her.
What a cougar wants most in bed, no matter what type of cub she's looking for, is a willingness to please and learn, And by willing to please I don't mean desperately overeager. Just willing, he cares about her pleasure and shows it. Even if she wants a take-charge man, she wants him to be willing to learn how SHE wants to be taken charge of. So don't mistake dominance for equalling know-it-all.
Once again: Your profile or message needs to reflect what kind or sexual experience you're looking for (both the cougar and the experience itself) if you're looking for just sex. VITALLY important.
Even if you're looking for a relationship, you need to know what your sexual baseline is. You can give mild hints of that in online profiles or messages. MILD!
On a side note: Birth control needs to be discussed. And accidents can happen. Before you do anything, make sure your ideals of what happens in case of accidental pregnancy align!
If you've done your homework, you should have a general, but rather good picture of exactly what kind of cougar you are looking for. And you learned three things:
1 - clearly let cougars know exactly what you're looking for in general. You MAIN goal.
2 - clearly let cougars know exactly what type of cougar you're looking for
3- if you're looking just for sex, clearly let cougars know what type of experience you're looking for. If you're looking for a relationship, give mild hints of your preferences. Especially if they're out of the vanilla/equal base.
That's it for Part One. Part Two (knowing your cougar's wants, likes, and needs) coming soon if there's interest.
submitted by STThornton to Cougars_Den [link] [comments]


2020.09.26 11:10 SoCalGuy1972 TIFU by being too drunk to check in for community service

This whole series of events is one long series of screw-ups I literally could not fathom. This screw up is so bad that I literally am still paying for it over 3 years later.
First off, I was working in Lost Wages in 2017 for a water bottling plant. To say this company was run by complete idiots was an understatement. I literally spent 20 minutes telling one of the employees that "Single 0" does not mean that you get the most money in the paycheck and the boss hired a plumber that wrote the invoice date as April 31, 2017, I had to show this to seven different employees before someone realized what was wrong with that date. Also, the plumber didn't do his job. He was supposed to unplug a drain and he didn't. Our janitor the next day got the stoppage out.
I was hired to close a huge gap where the company was making $112,000 a week and spending $136,000 a week and the idiots who ran the company wouldn't let me touch to freeze bonuses or executive salaries. Literally all the expenditures that were cut had to come from Cost of Goods sold, which as any astute accountant will tell you it's practically impossible. I lost my job in May and the decision was made to get out of Nevada and get to California, I didn't care what job I took.
So in December of 2017, I try to get my mom and I back to California and I take a crappy job working for a solar company. Literally the company couldn't even tell anyone it was solar unless the homeowner asked if it was solar. I'm rushing to get to work and who calls? The EEOC, investigating my former work, right at 10:42 when I was trying to get to work. This was a big mistake as a policeman ticketed me for being on the phone while driving and not having insurance.
I tried to negotiate with the state of California since I lost the solar job being unable to continue working as my dad went into the hospital and was getting ready to die. After rent, storage and cell phone bill, my mom and I had about $120 left to live on per month. It was so low that I would go on survey filling sites to get a few bucks to treat Mom to a night out every month and I shopped very carefully with the generous $192 a month I got from food stamps, keeping in mind that had to last me an entire month.
So anyways, I tried to tell the state of California twice that I had no way of paying the ticket which was at the time $179 PLUS I had to show proof of insurance which would have been another $160. The state of California couldn't figure out that I was on food stamps but I was in food stamps in Nevada. Now they think I'm a deadbeat so they added all sorts of taxes, fees and penalties and my ticket skyrockets to $1,061. After my mom dies, I go back to California and the state lovingly decides to add another $300 to my ticket. I now have to pay $1,361.
So I was under stress as I had to show means, that is that there was no way in Hell I could afford to pay $1,361. Naturally I'm stressed out but today's Wednesday where my court day was so I could eat nice and cheap at the Tilted Kilt where I go every Wednesday. I never touch alcohol there because drinks at a pub and eatery cost a ton, but today I decide "You know what? I could use a beer", so I get a beer and I drink it down and go to use the restroom and I run into two waitresses sitting at a table with a guy and talking to him, Brittany and Leslie, both of which are my friends.
So I've got a little time before my appointment, and I tell this guy about the cool adventures I have with Leslie and this blonde waitress named Victoria comes up and says "A secret admirer has bought this for you, it's a green tea shot". A green tea shot is named for its color and not because it has green tea in it, it's actually a mixture of Jameson whiskey, Peach Schnapps, sour mix and lemonade or Sprite. So I figure why not. I shotgun the shot and tell this guy about Brittany and who comes up? Yep, Victoria. "Your secret admirer has bought you a second green tea shot!". I don't want to seem rude so I chug down the second one and it starts to hit me. As I try to make my way to the seat, Iron Maiden comes on and I try to dance with Victoria while she's working, realizing my confidence has increased by about 100 times. I tend to be the life of the party when I have had a few and alcohol has been the go-to thing for a happy guy since I was 16. So Victoria helps me back to my seat and I lay back in the seat and sing to her, and she comes back and says "This is your lucky day! Your secret admirer has bought you a third green tea shot". I barely managed to be coherent in time for my hockey game at 7:00 p.m., needless to say I was not in any mood to have made the 4:00 p.m. court time and driving to the courthouse to prove I was dirt poor would have probably caused more trouble than it was worth.
My "secret admirer" turned out to be the guy at the table with the two girls, after he swore to both of them to lead me to believe it was a waitress. I didn't care, I got $25 worth of drinks from him.
Most of the rest of the afternoon was spent telling all the waitresses how much I loved them and partying with them, but needless to say I missed the court date and the state ruled I had to pay $1,361. I arranged for a payment plan and as of September 2020, I'm still paying on it. It won't be paid off until April 2021. My insurance premiums are still high and won't be purged until December 2020 when the three year statute on the ticket has expired. Thankfully I don't have to re-register my tags until January.
TL;DR: I learned what a green tea shot was and missed a court date and had to pay over $1300 for a ticket that I honestly should have gotten off with a warning for.
submitted by SoCalGuy1972 to tifu [link] [comments]


2020.09.25 19:32 Cuanshade Starting to date with mental illness

Hello everyone I am looking for some advice. I have GAD general anxiety disorder and panic disorder and often, it's very crippling. However, when you meet me for the first time, you would never know unless you are really observant.
I've been single for many years, and for the most part, ok with it. I tried dating 3 years ago, went on 2 dates, neither ever called me back even though at the time I thought they went well, and since then haven't tried because I keep thinking that the reason those guys didn't call me back must be because I was awful. I realize that sometimes people don't jive and when I get anxious and try to get someone to like me, I can come across as outright manic. I can seem obsessive when talking about my hobby too, since its the only thing that gives me a sense of self worth.
Now, after so long, I am lonely, I can't stand the emptiness of my home alone, and with my mom so ill, the only thing I want is to have just one other person in this world to hold me and love me and be with me. I want to have a family outside of her, a life outside of this nightmare, and yes even if it sounds selfish, for someone to support me, even if its just a hug, when it feels like I can't go on any more.
But I'm really worried too. I can go on a few dates and keep it together, but eventually, some day, it will happen. I won't be able to do anything because of a panic attack, or I might get overwhelmed and freak out in front of him, and the last thing I want is for this to be a surprise. I want the love and support that can only be shared between lovers, but I don't want to become some kind of trap or false advertising for the person im dating.
So I'm looking for advise. How do people talk to people they just met for dating about mental illness? How soon? This doesn't feel like the kind of conversation to have on the first date, but also something so important I am tempted to put it in caps, bold and underlined right at the top of my dating profile. How do I spring the 'my mom is a delusional paranoid schizophrenic that refuses to get treated and I'm the only one caring for her' topic on someone who probably wants lighthearted and fun conversation, romance, and excitement, not baggage in their lives.
I've told myself for years now that I can't possibly subject another person to this torture. All my friends are already sick of it and they aren't even 24/7 present in my life. It feels wrong to even want to date in these circumstances, like I'm just looking for someone to rely on, and Covid doesn't make the idea any easier. Should I even go ahead with it? Are there any dating sites or apps that are for people with mental illness? (I doubt it, but worth a try).
I appreciate any comment or advice anyone can give me.
submitted by Cuanshade to Anxiety [link] [comments]


2020.09.25 19:09 Cuanshade Starting to date with a mental illness

Hello everyone I am looking for some advice. I have GAD general anxiety disorder and panic disorder and often, it's very crippling. However, when you meet me for the first time, you would never know unless you are really observant.
I've been single for many years, and for the most part, ok with it. I tried dating 3 years ago, went on 2 dates, neither ever called me back even though at the time I thought they went well, and since then haven't tried because I keep thinking that the reason those guys didn't call me back must be because I was awful. I realize that sometimes people don't jive and when I get anxious and try to get someone to like me, I can come across as outright manic. I can seem obsessive when talking about my hobby too, since its the only thing that gives me a sense of self worth.
Now, after so long, I am lonely, I can't stand the emptiness of my home alone, and with my mom so ill, the only thing I want is to have just one other person in this world to hold me and love me and be with me. I want to have a family outside of her, a life outside of this nightmare, and yes even if it sounds selfish, for someone to support me, even if its just a hug, when it feels like I can't go on any more.
But I'm really worried too. I can go on a few dates and keep it together, but eventually, some day, it will happen. I won't be able to do anything because of a panic attack, or I might get overwhelmed and freak out in front of him, and the last thing I want is for this to be a surprise. I want the love and support that can only be shared between lovers, but I don't want to become some kind of trap or false advertising for the person im dating.
So I'm looking for advise. How do people talk to people they just met for dating about mental illness? How soon? This doesn't feel like the kind of conversation to have on the first date, but also something so important I am tempted to put it in caps, bold and underlined right at the top of my dating profile. How do I spring the 'my mom is a delusional paranoid schizophrenic that refuses to get treated and I'm the only one caring for her' topic on someone who probably wants lighthearted and fun conversation, romance, and excitement, not baggage in their lives.
I've told myself for years now that I can't possibly subject another person to this torture. All my friends are already sick of it and they aren't even 24/7 present in my life. It feels wrong to even want to date in these circumstances, like I'm just looking for someone to rely on, and Covid doesn't make the idea any easier. Should I even go ahead with it? Are there any dating sites or apps that are for people with mental illness? (I doubt it, but worth a try).
I appreciate any comment or advice anyone can give me.
submitted by Cuanshade to mentalillness [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 21:03 beenInTherapyFor12 How do I meet someone that doesn't care about looks?

The problem is dating apps are for people that care about looks, and I don't. I would swipe right on everyone but apps will shadow ban you if you do that so I can't use them. Since I'm an introvert and not very attractive myself things like church and parties don't really work for me. I spend most of my time doing research.
I have never rejected anyone on the basis of looks, the only "rejection" I ever did if you can even call it that was a single mom who kept asking me to give her money to help raise her son, while I barely even knew her. Like most males, I get pretty much 0 matches on dating sites, only bots or people asking me to give them money, even when I paid hundreds to buy "boosts" and "superlikes".
About me: 6'2 barefoot, 6'4 with shoes/risers in, work out but have hypogonadism and can't go on TRT so very skinny, spent a lot of time, money, and effort on appearance (minor cosmetic surgeries), social skills / confidence rated "good" by multiple therapists, software engineer, living with parents even though I can afford my own place and would be willing to do that if it would make me attractive (I tried that for 4 years and it didn't improve my luck), 32 years old, no balding, regularly showeshave, mostly vegan and like animals, have a car, lost virginity at 26 to a sex worker, went to college between 24-28, paid off student loan, ex-member of Mensa (I joined thinking it would help my social status but turns out no one cares so I let my membership lapse), had a vasectomy, read and learn a lot, Hapa (half asian half white).
submitted by beenInTherapyFor12 to dating [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 20:53 kaythevaquita AITA For letting a woman’s children die?

Now I know the title sounds bad but hear me out.
So all of this came to a head earlier this month and it is one wild ride. I’m still unsure how to process this whole thing. Some background info: I (27M) am well off. I make six figures and am in line to inherit millions. I’ve also been told I’m very attractive, though I just don’t see it. I live near a popular site for lovers, which happens to be a bridge (this will be important later). Onto the story.
I’ve been using Tinder recently and matched with a woman (27F) who, judging from her occupation and the house she lives in she doesn’t earn very much. This was later confirmed when I asked her about after we’d begin dating. I’ll call her Katie. And she’s a single mother of two children (13F and 11M), who I’ll call Sara and George.
Now, normally, I’d never chat with women like this since they tend to be leeches. But she seemed nice so I gave it a shot and we hit it off.
Side note: she loves her children very dearly and often talks about how talented at violin George is and how intelligent Sara is.
After around five or so months of dating we arranged to go on a date at a nice restaurant and the go on a walk on the bridge I mentioned earlier. She wanted her kids to come with so I could meet them. Ok, reasonable. At least that’s what I thought at the time.
Dinner went great, when we were done eating we let the kids go on the bridge while we payed the bill and talked a bit since the oldest is a teen. Everything was going great when Katie just HAD to ruin it.
Katie asked me to pay 20% of the bill because I picked an expensive restaurant even though she wanted to go somewhere cheaper because she can’t afford a place like this. I yelled at her for being a gold digger and for trying to get me to pay for her crotch goblins, and maybe if she hadn’t slept around she’d be able to afford to pay for dinner.
She started crying and I left to tell her crotch goblins they needed to go back to their bitch of a mother. When I caught up to them the bridge collapsed under them and they fell.
They were both holding onto the bridge for their lives and cried for help. I didn’t want to help since they weren’t my responsibility, even if I was perfectly capable. When they asked again I got mad and stomped on their hands so they had to let go, and they fell. They died later in the hospital.
While their is no evidence Katie says she knows I killed her “precious babies”. I didn’t really care.
Now, here’s where I might be TA.
Katie called me a few months later. I tried to ignore her but she kept calling. Eventually I answered and she said she was pregnant and I was the father. My parents had both recently died in a car crash and I’d inherited $70,000,000 dollars and 200 acre estate, which has a mansion, from them. She threatened to sue me for child support if I didn’t want to be in the baby’s life. This seemed kind of fishy because she knew I wouldn’t want to have children with her after what she and her crotch goblins did.
I yelled at her for not taking birth control and being irresponsible, and demanded she get a paternity test and abort the child if it was mine. Then she cried and said we never discussed BC and I knew she wasn’t on it and I told her I had a vasectomy and I could’ve at least wore a condom and an abortion would harm her mental health after she’d already lost her two children who she loved dearly and there was nobody else who’s baby it could be etc. etc.
Anyways, she got the paternity test and it was mine. She’s now in the process of suing me for child support. So, Reddit, AITA?
Tdlr; I’m rich, I dated a poor single mom, her kids died tragically, she became pregnant with my child and refused to have an abortion because it’d harm her mental health.
Edit: Stop with all the mean DMs and replies, you’re being a meanie and it’s hurting my feelings.
Second edit: What do you mean I need to take responsibility as a father? I don’t want to and I don’t have to!
submitted by kaythevaquita to AmITheAngel [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 12:36 NowImBanished Quick update: Now I Really Am Going to Be Banished

Unexpected Update: I texted FSIL this morning hoping that something would get through to her since clearly DF not responding didn't do anything. Boy oh boy, was I mistaken. Now, I realize that I can be very no nonsense, but I have tried appeasing her, telling her how important she is to DF, talking to her like she talks to me (I got called mean for that one) and none of that did anything. So, I just laid it out. In hindsight A) I shouldn't have said anything and B) what I said was WAY over her head. If you're curious about our other interactions just go back through my posts. Since I'm not worried about them finding any of this out anymore I've just been posting actual conversations. I'm also going to edit my first posts to include the info I removed. In any event, here is my text to FSIL, her response, and her response to DF.
OP: "FSIL, I'm doing my best to help you, but you refuse to listen. So, stop what you're doing and really try and listen and process what I'm saying. I wanted a relationship with you. I wanted DF to have a relationship with you. But, it baffles me that you have managed to make it to adulthood with this level of immaturity and self importance. Why do you think that trying to manipulate your brother like this [changing her RSPV to "no" again] is going to have the affect that you want? Has it worked yet? Or is he less communicative now than before? Why do you that is? Hint: Look back through ALL your texts. Look how patient he is in responding to your texts attacking me. You love being in control and can't handle losing control of him so you're lashing out. The problem is, he doesn't miss this person. You said you want your brother to find his voce. He has! Listen to him! You don't own him. You're relationship with him doesn't supersede my relationship with him. That's okay. That's normal. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you. You're asking him to prioritize his relationship with his sister over his relationship with his wife. Is your relationship with DF more important than your relationship with your husband? Every time you pull this petty manipulative crap and allow him to see who you really are, the less he wants any kind of relationship with you. Since the tantrum throwing and constant RSVP changes havent elicited the response you want, maybe try something else? If you really do love and value DF, maybe try actually doing what he asked, and re-read his texts. Stop trying to control him and your relationship with him. You aren't in control now. He is."
FSIL: "Fuck you don't talk to me or my family every again. You are a controlling and manipulative cunt and I do not want anything to do with you delete my number and stop fucking bullying me and harassing me. You are dead to me. You are a psychotic bitch it's no wonder every single person i have met hates you thinks your are a terrible person."
OP: "Cool."
I had already sent him screenshots of my message to FSIL and her response. I also apologized for texting her. I really did (and still do) want DF to have a relationship with his family if that's what he wants. Funnily enough, one of his conditions that he mentions to FSIL and FMIL multiple times is that they need to have a relationship with me in order to have a relationship with him, but as the saying goes in one ear and out the other...
FSIL to DF: "You are ruining you life and making the worst choice, stop acting like I haven't reached out in a normal way stop having your wife text me leave me alone, i reached out multiple times i wanted a relationship with you not her. You literally just don't answer me ever. She is manipulating this situation and blowing it way out of proportion. I told you the messages needed to end, leave me alone unless you are trying to be productive. To question my maturity, you know what I have been through, I am a full time working mom and not need this, stop it now. How dare you not text or call your father on his 75th birthday she is making you the worst version of yourself. You are insane that you think this is normal and healthy."
I don't know what to do with this bitchiness and toddler-like inability to see that actions have consequences. How do you manipulate a narrative so much that you've basically gaslight yourself? It's like they truly dont think they did anything. Or they forgot? Or it doesn't count because it happened a week or a month ago? All they see is DF not responding they way they want and I'm the variable in the equation so I'm vilified.
The double standards and hypocrisy make me laugh on a surface level but actually feel really shitty . I think I've separated myself enough from this that it doesn't hurt me so much anymore, but it is still hurtful. The person I'm more concerned about is DF. He really wanted to have a good relationship with FSIL. He really liked her and liked spending time with her. He also really loves his niece and nephew. And because FSIL is so vile and vindictive, she's using them as a weapon. From this site I very much understand that kids go with the mom, so if mom has a bad relationship with someone the kids stay away from that person. That makes sense to me. What she's doing doesn't feel like that. She's doing it to hurt DF and to force him to bend to her whims. My own Mother displays many of the characteristics of a narcissist. But, I've know that about her since middle school. Nothing she does surprises me. In fact when she was on medication when I was in high school and wasn't lashing out I got anxiety because I was waiting on the fallout. But, DF didn't know these things about FMIL and FSIL. He didn't see this coming. I sort of did, but not anywhere near to this extent. I knew they were both immature. I knew they were controlling and passive aggressive. But, for DF, I think it makes him really angry and also deeply sad and that is what hurts me more than anything. Them hurting him for their own selfishness hits me at a place that makes me hope horrible things happen to them and that's not who I am. I care about people. Even people I don't like. I don't even hate them. I just want Thanos to snap his fingers and have them disappear from the face of the Earth.

***Original post: Feel free to comment and give advice. I'm happy to talk about things. You guys have been a safe and healthy space for me to process all of this.
DF and I decided to forgo our original wedding plans in lieu of a small "marriage day" with or 8 closest friends (who are all in the bridal party to some capacity) and have a vow renewal and reception next year at our original venue. We did decide to Zoom our wedding and sent out E-vites and notes with "new RSVP" for anniversary to come.
At DF's request, we did not send the same email to his JN Family of Origin. Instead they got a carefully worded invite to celebrate with us next year. He doesn't want them to watch us actually get married.
JNFSIL also only lasted a week before texting him, "Are you planning on doing anything for Dad's birthday?"" DF didn't respond and said he won't respond until FSIL shows some kind of change or recognition of her behavior. FFatherIL's birthday was Wednesday. FSIL RSVP'd "no" late Wednesday night to our new wedding date at the end of 2021! She's so petty and has such an over inflated sense of importance.
That's it for now. I feel terrible for DF, but I'm glad that his spine is so shiny. I wish it didn't have to be. Still nothing from FMIL. I'm interested to see what she'll do.
submitted by NowImBanished to JUSTNOFAMILY [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 03:53 kittyaphrodite Guide to Dressing Romantics

Hey guys- I just wrote this post on vindicta but I thought it would also be helpful to post here- with the caveat that it is just my thoughts and experiences!
hey guys! This took a while of thinking to get done but I hope it helps!
The first step to being able to effectively style yourself is to find out your kibbe type. Here is a link to the test I took- https://theconceptwardrobe.com/kibbe-body-types/the-kibbe-body-type-test. I think its all the better the less preconceived notions you have about kibbe as your opinion could become clouded and you could suffer type resistance- as in, you want to be one body type but you really are another. I think the kibbe system is great because its not based in making you feel like shit about yourself. Every single type has universally-considered gorgeous and beautiful women. It is also about being honest to yourself. I am about 5’0- I will NEVER be a tall supermodel. It’s just not happening. And that’s fine! Look at the women you are in the category with and see how beautiful they are. That being said, I am considered a romantic and that’s what this guide will be tailored toward. Here is the full outline of kibbes romantic section in his book Metamorphosis- https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/seasonalcolokibbe-s-romantic-t1990.html. By the way, for whatever result you get on the kibbe test, if you google “tapatalk (your kibbe type)” you should find your own chapter results.
I feel I finally have a style and idea of how things work for my body which is petite and curvy. I think it does feel like a niche as curvy doesn’t necessarily mean a larger size, I am a size 6. I prefer to include real recommendations into my posts cause I feel it takes a lot of legwork out and is more helpful that way. I wouldn’t feel comfortable giving recs to people with different body types and have you buy something garbage!
also, as apart of this pre-styling guide- learn your color season. I don’t have any great links but here on the subreddit are many great posts that can point you in the right direction. Of course, is it law to not wear purple as a warm spring? No, of course not. However, it can help point you in the right direction in clothes you might be interested in buying and trying to pick the best colors for you. Finally, kibbe, color systems, and my suggestions aren’t law or things you have to do or else. Everyones different! Still, this stuff takes forever to learn and a lot of time and money to figure out and I think it helped me a ton and i hope it does for other people.
Guiding principles of Kibbe for Romantics (ripped from his book, you dont need to follow everything but i think it gives you a general idea of what to look for)
SHAPE: Shape is the key to your look! Whatever mood you want to express, in whatever situation your find yourself--work, play, or glamour--keep your shapes rounded with soft edges! Circles, ornate swirls, and intricate flowing shapes are the direct expression of your extreme Yin. Soft bouffants are also acceptable. Always maintain the hourglass figure!
Avoid: All straight lines. All sharp edges. All geometrics.
LINE AND SILHOUETTE Second only to shape in importance, your outline should always be soft and flowing silhouettes that showcase the lush curves of your body. Waste definition is essential, always, as is lots of gentle draping everywhere.
Avoid: All severe silhouettes. All tailored silhouettes. All straight lines with angular edges. All vertical lines that hid the waist. All unconstructed, boxy, or horizontal lines.
FABRIC: Lightweight fabrics that drape easily. Softly woven fabrics (challis, crepe, tropical-weight woolens, jersey). Ultrashiny fabrics (charmeuse, shantung, crepe de chine, metallics). Ultra soft of plush textures (suedes, velvets, boucle knits, angora). Sheer fabrics (chiffon, voile, batiste, handkerchief linen).
AVOID: Stiff fabrics. Heavyweight fabrics. Rough textures. Extreme matte-finished fabrics.
DETAIL Detail should be soft, intricate, ornate and feminine, with emphasis on framing your face. Oversized bows, flouncy ruffles, and delicate lace are always good choices as long as they are luscious and womanly, instead of "little-girlish." Necklines should be soft and draped with curved edges (ornate necklines are especially sophisticated). Shoulders should be curved, with round pads; shoulder tucks or gathers, leg o' mutton, and draped dolman styles are all appropriate. Sleeves should be tapered at the wrist with intricate buttons, or very soft and flowing. Any kind of sparkle is excellent (pearls, sequins, beading, etc.) The waistline should always be emphasized, with soft gathers, folds, draped sashes, and lightweight and supple belts to give a cinched effect. Belt buckles should always be intricate and feminine.
Avoid: All tailored, angular, or severe detail. All chunky, rough, or oversized detail. All geometric necklines. All sharp edges--pleats, square shoulder pads. All crisp detail--perky bows, tiny ruffles. All minimal or "no detail" looks.
Skirts: Should be kept full and flowing with soft gathers at the waist and uneven hemlines. Your version of the basic "straight skirt" is actually tulip shaped: full and gathered at the waist and tapered at the hemline, which is short. All flared styles are excellent, from trumpets and swings to any bias-cut or gored style. Lengths should be kept gracefully long on uneven hemlines (mid calf), and short on the tapered styles with an even hemline (mid kneecap).
Avoid: All straight and tailored skirts, A-lines, and pleats.
Pants: Should always be soft, draped, and showcase your luscious curves! Gathers at the waist and a tapered or pegged bottom are the best shape for you.
Avoid: Straight or tailored pants. sharp details (pleats, cuffs, pockets). Baggy, unconstructed styles.
Blouses: Soft, draped styles. Sophisticated flounces and fills. Any antique styles.
Avoid: All tailored styles.
Sweaters: Soft, fluffy knits. Clingy, draped knits. Plush knits. Short lengths with waist detail. Cowl necks.
Avoid: Skinny, ribbed knits. Thick, nubby knits. Oversized sweaters. Turtlenecks and long pullovers. Cardigans. Crew-necked shetlands.
DRESSES: Should always be feminine and flowing. Waist emphasis, ornate detail, and swirling or flouncey skirts.
Avoid: Stiff, structured, or tailored styles (coatdress, chemise, etc.). Straight styles with no waist. Shapeless, wide, or baggy dresses.
Basics Before Dressing
As youll be able to see- I do not follow every single rule he makes, and sometimes like things he says to avoid. These rules arent law but they should make you look twice at what you wear and if it works for you and how to make it work for you and your style. I break these rules plenty- just as long as I am maintaining the structure by waist emphasis and clothes choice (high waisted bottoms).
While you don’t have to follow the materials list directly, just try to pay attention to what the clothes are made of and prioritize non-polyester clothes. Don’t buy clothes that don’t suit you or don’t fit you in the hope that it one day magically will or that you will lose the weight. If you are losing weight rapidly, then wait a little before buying expensive new clothes and wait until you get to a more stable weight for you. The key factor is always, always, always waist emphasis! In every outfit strive to have waist definition be the key component.
Shapewear- a must
Shapewear is so crucial to a the more structured hourglass look. While you should be working out, there will always be lumps and bumps that you would like to be slimmed or rounded. Shapewear will do that for you. That snatched look you see on red carpets and celebrities is a large part due to shapewear- as many admit in interviews. Shapewear has the ability to make your outfits overall look more expensive and just better on you. Now, I bought skims full price and the quality sucks- my mid thigh shorts literally ripped on a date so that was great. Honestly, I would go for spanx. I thought they were so expensive for some reason. Because Spanx is kinda the OG of shapewear brands that we think of, they have such a large library that their sale section is pretty robust so you can pretty much get a lot of pieces like high waisted panties for 10 dollars or full body-thigh suits for $40 dollars. And ive never experienced ripping like I did with Skims. Sign up for the Spanx newsletter and youll get updates on deals every couple of weeks, including free shipping.
A really easy way to get into shapewear is buying the Spanx high waisted underwear. I would highly recommend in investing in shapewear panties/boyshorts. Its not much different than other types of underwear, smooths/diminishes on lower belly fat which most women have, and I got 3 for ten dollars each. I like the “everyday shaping” ones the best since they don’t look like shapewear necessarily and are pretty comfortable to wear around. I get black in all of these since it goes with my lingerie since im garbage at matching colors so I just get it all in black. Panties and boyshorts in shapewear can be worn with pretty much every outfit (so long as youre covered on your lower stomach. For tight dresses and skirts- you probably would want to get shapewear that would smooth your thighs and butt- as Ive noticed in a newer pencil skirt I bought, just the boyshorts aint cutting it. It just looks a little lumpy without. I would highly recommend just buying sale spanx at their website- and in general try to look for styles that are still sold for full price on other parts of the site or are part of a collection, one off items aren’t as good. (ie, “retro panties” are not as good as the “everyday shaping line, boyshorts”). Find the areas where you need it too- a full body suit is expensive and you probably don’t need it- if your thighs aren’t perfectly shaped, or you have some belly fat, buy shapewear to help those areas. Shoot for a level 2/3 for max effectiveness.
General Principles
Now for the main event. You need to learn your measurements. Buy a simple measuring tape and do a full set of measurements for your body. Weight hangs so differently on us as we aren’t bone thin, so just generically buying a “small, medium, or large” just wont cut it unless you want to waste money. I have a pretty unpopular opinion- I think you have to pay more for clothes with this body type than others. Fast fashion is pretty much wasted money for us unless youre buying cheap camis and tops, even then, exercise caution. Its just not made for us. It costs a lot more money to cut clothes for curves than a pretty uniform straight shape. For this reason, I would recommend looking into vintage-reproduction clothes. Romantic body types haven’t been “in” since about the 1950s as the predominant style. While the hourglass type has always been in style, clothes that suit the romantic have not necessarily been. Tall, thin, angular are more trendy- and traditionally romantic clothes are made for non-romantic body types (polly). Therefore, I find that vintage reproduction clothes just look better on my body- wiggle dresses, cigarette pants, those are the things that look the best on me. I don’t want to look kitchy or like im wearing a costume- these cuts just look the best. The brands I pretty much only shop from now are Vixen by Micheline Pitt, La Femme en Noir (her goth brand), and I peruse other sites like Pinup girl and Stop Staring!. I use mostly micheline pitt because I feel her clothes are more “safe” for me to buy and fit my general style.
HIT UP POSHMARK for these clothes! Legit! I love buying secondhand clothes since I feel its more environmentally conscious and I love a sale. I usually look up “pin up couture,” “stop staring,” “micheline pitt,” and “la femme en noir” maybe twice a week to see if theres any good sales going on for pieces on my wishlist. Always make an offer! You might as well anyway and ive gotten bomb deals by going maybe 20% lower than the asking price on a piece.
Style
Style is kind of the most important piece here because you want to bring the principles of Kibbe into your style and pieces you love. If you love tanks with shorts, transition into more high waisted shorts (with belt?) and add a crop top or tuck a form fitting tank into the shorts. I used to be scene so I have a soft spot for that alt goth look still. I like to use Micheline Pitt for more basics (black crop with black capris with belt is life) whereas La Femme is used more for more gothy alt vibes without bordering on cartoony or cheap looking. La femme is pretty intensely boob-centric- just keep in mind (im about a 36d) if that’s something that makes you uncomfortable. Also, some of the styles in LFEN have a long vertical line with not a lot of waist emphasis is probably not for us (art deco collection for instance). I think it plays to romantic ideals great though- lace and little feminine detail is recommended for us. Just as a side recommendation, wait for sale! Legit, Micheline has sales like every other month so I just wait for that since some of the pieces get pricy. Keep in mind though the quality is always consistent and the sizing is consistent throughout the line which is great- as long as you have your measurements on hand you will have a good fit.
Jeans/ Pants/ Skirts/ Shorts
Jeans are tricky for curvieslim thick/romantics. You are pretty much in a struggle between shape and longevity (cotton) vs stretch. When you get 100% cotton jeans like a Levis 501, youre getting shape and a very long shelf life- but it isn’t really for curvy girls. Im a size 6 pretty much across the board in Levis EXCEPT for the 501s. In them, I literally go up to a size 12. TWELVE! Needless to say, I didn’t buy them. On the other hand, stretch is good to have BUT it makes the fabric last a lot less and I have destroyed so many American Eagle jeans with my thighs before I got into Levis wherein of maybe 25-30 pairs, only two have ripped in the thigh for me (I think 720s if you care, of course highest amount of stretch to cotton ratio). The golden ratio for me is about 90% cotton, 10% stretch. It gives enough construction and shape and longevity to a pair of jeans while still being comfortable and having that give. That’s a ratio that fits my fave pair of jeans, the Levis Wedgie Skinny fit which, if you can find in a non-plus size, you should at least try on. The wedgie fit is meant to look similar to a more vintage fit but it also shapes your butt and tapers off at a short length. The more common pair online is the plain Wedgie fit, which is like 98% stretch which isn’t my ideal but I do have a few. They just need to be broken in a little and follow the size chart. Wherever you buy jeans you should probably go in person if possible just to see how the stores standard jeans fit and how you like them. The golden ratio for us when it comes to jeans is, for me, high waisted + room in butt and thigh + tapered/skinny ankle. A bonus would be a lower stretch amount 15% and under I would recommend.
When it comes to regular work pants, I use Micheline Pitts cigarette pants and her capris. The fit is really good and theyre pretty flattering with the high waist emphasis and cut. And her capris! I thought all capris would make me look like a middle aged mom- hers are incredible. They give a super flattering cut and make your waist look tiny and ass look all round. I would avoid palazzo and wide cut pants- they just make me look fat. Same thing with shorts- I have Michelines and the Levis Wedgie fit shorts which have a high waist and cut off mid thigh and I think theyre pretty great, especially paired with a tight belt around the waist. Kibbe doesn’t recommend pencil skirts but I think theyre pretty hot with a long sleeve top and belt (with shapewear!). I wouldn’t necessarily recommend mini-skirts (which I love) because I personally haven’t found any that aren’t waaaaaaaay too short for me with my smaller waist and larger butt and thighs.
Tops
Crop tops are ideal for your body if you can pull them off with a high waisted short or pant. Tucking longer shirts into your pants and adding a belt to cinch the waist is a simple but effective romantic outfit. I prefer a longer sleeve, ¾ lengths looks great on romantics as well as a slightly longer short sleeve than you would see typically in fast fashion. It is recommended in kibbe to avoid oversized tops, despite how cute and comfy they are. It does make you look bigger. Lace detailing is great, corseted details, just some very femme tops look great as well
Dresses
I love a wiggle dress on a curvy girl. I think theyre so sexy and make you just look so classy but have that wow factor. I think they are hands down the best dresses for romantics. They have that built in shape that compliments our curves so nicely, and mixed with a belt and shapewear just create this beautiful look. An A-line fit and flare dress also looks nice but is a bit more “cute” than sexy.
Notes I'm sure I missed out on a lot of good points but I feel this is a great starting point for helping romantics. Ill post my fave pieces below- thanks!
https://stopstaring.com/collections/hottest-sellers/products/million-dollar-baby-black (i found on poshmark for like 70)
https://www.michelinepitt.com/collections/all/products/pre-order-decadence-wiggle-dress-in-black-vixen-by-micheline-pitt
https://www.michelinepitt.com/collections/all/products/vintage-cigarette-pants-black-vixen-by-micheline-pitt
https://www.michelinepitt.com/collections/all/products/pre-order-miss-kitty-maneater-wiggle-dress-in-black-vixen-by-micheline-pitt
https://www.michelinepitt.com/collections/all/products/vixen-swing-dress-in-raven-black-vixen-by-micheline-pitt-1
https://lafemmeennoir.net/collections/shop-la-femme-en-noiproducts/copy-of-la-dentelle-dress
https://lafemmeennoir.net/products/pre-order-wicked-web-dress?variant=16415989301282
EDIT: Disclaimer
submitted by kittyaphrodite to Kibbe [link] [comments]


2020.09.24 03:46 kittyaphrodite Guide to Dressing Romantic Body Types: slim thick, curvy, petite

hey guys! This took a while of thinking to get done but I hope it helps!
The first step to being able to effectively style yourself is to find out your kibbe type. Here is a link to the test I took- https://theconceptwardrobe.com/kibbe-body-types/the-kibbe-body-type-test. I think its all the better the less preconceived notions you have about kibbe as your opinion could become clouded and you could suffer type resistance- as in, you want to be one body type but you really are another. I think the kibbe system is great because its not based in making you feel like shit about yourself. Every single type has universally-considered gorgeous and beautiful women. It is also about being honest to yourself. I am about 5’0- I will NEVER be a tall supermodel. It’s just not happening. And that’s fine! Look at the women you are in the category with and see how beautiful they are. That being said, I am considered a romantic and that’s what this guide will be tailored toward. Here is the full outline of kibbes romantic section in his book Metamorphosis- https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/seasonalcolokibbe-s-romantic-t1990.html. By the way, for whatever result you get on the kibbe test, if you google “tapatalk (your kibbe type)” you should find your own chapter results.
I feel I finally have a style and idea of how things work for my body which is petite and curvy. I think it does feel like a niche as curvy doesn’t necessarily mean a larger size, I am a size 6. I prefer to include real recommendations into my posts cause I feel it takes a lot of legwork out and is more helpful that way. I wouldn’t feel comfortable giving recs to people with different body types and have you buy something garbage!
also, as apart of this pre-styling guide- learn your color season. I don’t have any great links but here on the subreddit are many great posts that can point you in the right direction. Of course, is it law to not wear purple as a warm spring? No, of course not. However, it can help point you in the right direction in clothes you might be interested in buying and trying to pick the best colors for you. Finally, kibbe, color systems, and my suggestions aren’t law or things you have to do or else. Everyones different! Still, this stuff takes forever to learn and a lot of time and money to figure out and I think it helped me a ton and i hope it does for other people.
Guiding principles of Kibbe for Romantics (ripped from his book, you dont need to follow everything but i think it gives you a general idea of what to look for)
SHAPE: Shape is the key to your look! Whatever mood you want to express, in whatever situation your find yourself--work, play, or glamour--keep your shapes rounded with soft edges! Circles, ornate swirls, and intricate flowing shapes are the direct expression of your extreme Yin. Soft bouffants are also acceptable. Always maintain the hourglass figure!
Avoid: All straight lines. All sharp edges. All geometrics.
LINE AND SILHOUETTE Second only to shape in importance, your outline should always be soft and flowing silhouettes that showcase the lush curves of your body. Waste definition is essential, always, as is lots of gentle draping everywhere.
Avoid: All severe silhouettes. All tailored silhouettes. All straight lines with angular edges. All vertical lines that hid the waist. All unconstructed, boxy, or horizontal lines.
FABRIC: Lightweight fabrics that drape easily. Softly woven fabrics (challis, crepe, tropical-weight woolens, jersey). Ultrashiny fabrics (charmeuse, shantung, crepe de chine, metallics). Ultra soft of plush textures (suedes, velvets, boucle knits, angora). Sheer fabrics (chiffon, voile, batiste, handkerchief linen).
AVOID: Stiff fabrics. Heavyweight fabrics. Rough textures. Extreme matte-finished fabrics.
DETAIL Detail should be soft, intricate, ornate and feminine, with emphasis on framing your face. Oversized bows, flouncy ruffles, and delicate lace are always good choices as long as they are luscious and womanly, instead of "little-girlish." Necklines should be soft and draped with curved edges (ornate necklines are especially sophisticated). Shoulders should be curved, with round pads; shoulder tucks or gathers, leg o' mutton, and draped dolman styles are all appropriate. Sleeves should be tapered at the wrist with intricate buttons, or very soft and flowing. Any kind of sparkle is excellent (pearls, sequins, beading, etc.) The waistline should always be emphasized, with soft gathers, folds, draped sashes, and lightweight and supple belts to give a cinched effect. Belt buckles should always be intricate and feminine.
Avoid: All tailored, angular, or severe detail. All chunky, rough, or oversized detail. All geometric necklines. All sharp edges--pleats, square shoulder pads. All crisp detail--perky bows, tiny ruffles. All minimal or "no detail" looks.
Skirts: Should be kept full and flowing with soft gathers at the waist and uneven hemlines. Your version of the basic "straight skirt" is actually tulip shaped: full and gathered at the waist and tapered at the hemline, which is short. All flared styles are excellent, from trumpets and swings to any bias-cut or gored style. Lengths should be kept gracefully long on uneven hemlines (mid calf), and short on the tapered styles with an even hemline (mid kneecap).
Avoid: All straight and tailored skirts, A-lines, and pleats.
Pants: Should always be soft, draped, and showcase your luscious curves! Gathers at the waist and a tapered or pegged bottom are the best shape for you.
Avoid: Straight or tailored pants. sharp details (pleats, cuffs, pockets). Baggy, unconstructed styles.
Blouses: Soft, draped styles. Sophisticated flounces and fills. Any antique styles.
Avoid: All tailored styles.
Sweaters: Soft, fluffy knits. Clingy, draped knits. Plush knits. Short lengths with waist detail. Cowl necks.
Avoid: Skinny, ribbed knits. Thick, nubby knits. Oversized sweaters. Turtlenecks and long pullovers. Cardigans. Crew-necked shetlands.
DRESSES: Should always be feminine and flowing. Waist emphasis, ornate detail, and swirling or flouncey skirts.
Avoid: Stiff, structured, or tailored styles (coatdress, chemise, etc.). Straight styles with no waist. Shapeless, wide, or baggy dresses.
Basics Before Dressing
As youll be able to see- I do not follow every single rule he makes, and sometimes like things he says to avoid. These rules arent law but they should make you look twice at what you wear and if it works for you and how to make it work for you and your style. I break these rules plenty- just as long as I am maintaining the structure by waist emphasis and clothes choice (high waisted bottoms).
While you don’t have to follow the materials list directly, just try to pay attention to what the clothes are made of and prioritize non-polyester clothes. Don’t buy clothes that don’t suit you or don’t fit you in the hope that it one day magically will or that you will lose the weight. If you are losing weight rapidly, then wait a little before buying expensive new clothes and wait until you get to a more stable weight for you. The key factor is always, always, always waist emphasis! In every outfit strive to have waist definition be the key component.
Shapewear- a must
Shapewear is so crucial to a the more structured hourglass look. While you should be working out, there will always be lumps and bumps that you would like to be slimmed or rounded. Shapewear will do that for you. That snatched look you see on red carpets and celebrities is a large part due to shapewear- as many admit in interviews. Shapewear has the ability to make your outfits overall look more expensive and just better on you. Now, I bought skims full price and the quality sucks- my mid thigh shorts literally ripped on a date so that was great. Honestly, I would go for spanx. I thought they were so expensive for some reason. Because Spanx is kinda the OG of shapewear brands that we think of, they have such a large library that their sale section is pretty robust so you can pretty much get a lot of pieces like high waisted panties for 10 dollars or full body-thigh suits for $40 dollars. And ive never experienced ripping like I did with Skims. Sign up for the Spanx newsletter and youll get updates on deals every couple of weeks, including free shipping.
A really easy way to get into shapewear is buying the Spanx high waisted underwear. I would highly recommend in investing in shapewear panties/boyshorts. Its not much different than other types of underwear, smooths/diminishes on lower belly fat which most women have, and I got 3 for ten dollars each. I like the “everyday shaping” ones the best since they don’t look like shapewear necessarily and are pretty comfortable to wear around. I get black in all of these since it goes with my lingerie since im garbage at matching colors so I just get it all in black. Panties and boyshorts in shapewear can be worn with pretty much every outfit (so long as youre covered on your lower stomach. For tight dresses and skirts- you probably would want to get shapewear that would smooth your thighs and butt- as Ive noticed in a newer pencil skirt I bought, just the boyshorts aint cutting it. It just looks a little lumpy without. I would highly recommend just buying sale spanx at their website- and in general try to look for styles that are still sold for full price on other parts of the site or are part of a collection, one off items aren’t as good. (ie, “retro panties” are not as good as the “everyday shaping line, boyshorts”). Find the areas where you need it too- a full body suit is expensive and you probably don’t need it- if your thighs aren’t perfectly shaped, or you have some belly fat, buy shapewear to help those areas. Shoot for a level 2/3 for max effectiveness.
General Principles
Now for the main event. You need to learn your measurements. Buy a simple measuring tape and do a full set of measurements for your body. Weight hangs so differently on us as we aren’t bone thin, so just generically buying a “small, medium, or large” just wont cut it unless you want to waste money. I have a pretty unpopular opinion- I think you have to pay more for clothes with this body type than others. Fast fashion is pretty much wasted money for us unless youre buying cheap camis and tops, even then, exercise caution. Its just not made for us. It costs a lot more money to cut clothes for curves than a pretty uniform straight shape. For this reason, I would recommend looking into vintage-reproduction clothes. Romantic body types haven’t been “in” since about the 1950s as the predominant style. While the hourglass type has always been in style, clothes that suit the romantic have not necessarily been. Tall, thin, angular are more trendy- and traditionally romantic clothes are made for non-romantic body types (polly). Therefore, I find that vintage reproduction clothes just look better on my body- wiggle dresses, cigarette pants, those are the things that look the best on me. I don’t want to look kitchy or like im wearing a costume- these cuts just look the best. The brands I pretty much only shop from now are Vixen by Micheline Pitt, La Femme en Noir (her goth brand), and I peruse other sites like Pinup girl and Stop Staring!. I use mostly micheline pitt because I feel her clothes are more “safe” for me to buy and fit my general style.
HIT UP POSHMARK for these clothes! Legit! I love buying secondhand clothes since I feel its more environmentally conscious and I love a sale. I usually look up “pin up couture,” “stop staring,” “micheline pitt,” and “la femme en noir” maybe twice a week to see if theres any good sales going on for pieces on my wishlist. Always make an offer! You might as well anyway and ive gotten bomb deals by going maybe 20% lower than the asking price on a piece.
Style
Style is kind of the most important piece here because you want to bring the principles of Kibbe into your style and pieces you love. If you love tanks with shorts, transition into more high waisted shorts (with belt?) and add a crop top or tuck a form fitting tank into the shorts. I used to be scene so I have a soft spot for that alt goth look still. I like to use Micheline Pitt for more basics (black crop with black capris with belt is life) whereas La Femme is used more for more gothy alt vibes without bordering on cartoony or cheap looking. La femme is pretty intensely boob-centric- just keep in mind (im about a 36d) if that’s something that makes you uncomfortable. Also, some of the styles in LFEN have a long vertical line with not a lot of waist emphasis is probably not for us (art deco collection for instance). I think it plays to romantic ideals great though- lace and little feminine detail is recommended for us. Just as a side recommendation, wait for sale! Legit, Micheline has sales like every other month so I just wait for that since some of the pieces get pricy. Keep in mind though the quality is always consistent and the sizing is consistent throughout the line which is great- as long as you have your measurements on hand you will have a good fit.
Jeans/ Pants/ Skirts/ Shorts
Jeans are tricky for curvieslim thick/romantics. You are pretty much in a struggle between shape and longevity (cotton) vs stretch. When you get 100% cotton jeans like a Levis 501, youre getting shape and a very long shelf life- but it isn’t really for curvy girls. Im a size 6 pretty much across the board in Levis EXCEPT for the 501s. In them, I literally go up to a size 12. TWELVE! Needless to say, I didn’t buy them. On the other hand, stretch is good to have BUT it makes the fabric last a lot less and I have destroyed so many American Eagle jeans with my thighs before I got into Levis wherein of maybe 25-30 pairs, only two have ripped in the thigh for me (I think 720s if you care, of course highest amount of stretch to cotton ratio). The golden ratio for me is about 90% cotton, 10% stretch. It gives enough construction and shape and longevity to a pair of jeans while still being comfortable and having that give. That’s a ratio that fits my fave pair of jeans, the Levis Wedgie Skinny fit which, if you can find in a non-plus size, you should at least try on. The wedgie fit is meant to look similar to a more vintage fit but it also shapes your butt and tapers off at a short length. The more common pair online is the plain Wedgie fit, which is like 98% stretch which isn’t my ideal but I do have a few. They just need to be broken in a little and follow the size chart. Wherever you buy jeans you should probably go in person if possible just to see how the stores standard jeans fit and how you like them. The golden ratio for us when it comes to jeans is, for me, high waisted + room in butt and thigh + tapered/skinny ankle. A bonus would be a lower stretch amount 15% and under I would recommend.
When it comes to regular work pants, I use Micheline Pitts cigarette pants and her capris. The fit is really good and theyre pretty flattering with the high waist emphasis and cut. And her capris! I thought all capris would make me look like a middle aged mom- hers are incredible. They give a super flattering cut and make your waist look tiny and ass look all round. I would avoid palazzo and wide cut pants- they just make me look fat. Same thing with shorts- I have Michelines and the Levis Wedgie fit shorts which have a high waist and cut off mid thigh and I think theyre pretty great, especially paired with a tight belt around the waist. Kibbe doesn’t recommend pencil skirts but I think theyre pretty hot with a long sleeve top and belt (with shapewear!). I wouldn’t necessarily recommend mini-skirts (which I love) because I personally haven’t found any that aren’t waaaaaaaay too short for me with my smaller waist and larger butt and thighs.
Tops
Crop tops are ideal for your body if you can pull them off with a high waisted short or pant. Tucking longer shirts into your pants and adding a belt to cinch the waist is a simple but effective romantic outfit. I prefer a longer sleeve, ¾ lengths looks great on romantics as well as a slightly longer short sleeve than you would see typically in fast fashion. It is recommended in kibbe to avoid oversized tops, despite how cute and comfy they are. It does make you look bigger. Lace detailing is great, corseted details, just some very femme tops look great as well
Dresses
I love a wiggle dress on a curvy girl. I think theyre so sexy and make you just look so classy but have that wow factor. I think they are hands down the best dresses for romantics. They have that built in shape that compliments our curves so nicely, and mixed with a belt and shapewear just create this beautiful look. An A-line fit and flare dress also looks nice but is a bit more “cute” than sexy.
Notes I'm sure I missed out on a lot of good points but I feel this is a great starting point for helping romantics. Ill post my fave pieces below- thanks!
https://stopstaring.com/collections/hottest-sellers/products/million-dollar-baby-black (i found on poshmark for like 70)
https://www.michelinepitt.com/collections/all/products/pre-order-decadence-wiggle-dress-in-black-vixen-by-micheline-pitt
https://www.michelinepitt.com/collections/all/products/vintage-cigarette-pants-black-vixen-by-micheline-pitt
https://www.michelinepitt.com/collections/all/products/pre-order-miss-kitty-maneater-wiggle-dress-in-black-vixen-by-micheline-pitt
https://www.michelinepitt.com/collections/all/products/vixen-swing-dress-in-raven-black-vixen-by-micheline-pitt-1
https://lafemmeennoir.net/collections/shop-la-femme-en-noiproducts/copy-of-la-dentelle-dress
https://lafemmeennoir.net/products/pre-order-wicked-web-dress?variant=16415989301282
submitted by kittyaphrodite to Vindicta [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 12:09 MindfulMowgli This way of life could save the world!

My grandpa once told me: "Listen dipsh*t, if you rely on someone else for your food... then they own you AND your lovely wife."
Well... my crazy grandpa wasn't totally wrong. There is simply too many people on this planet and not enough resources to go around. All the family's generational wealth has been either divided into dust or soaked up by the rich 1%. The division of wealth and power in this world is so unbalanced, it's sick and saddening. Because of this, there are many people struggling who are so tormented and defeated... homeless, unemployed, or working as wage slaves (because overpopulation makes for cheap labor); that they feel like there is no place for them in the future and that suicide is the only option. In our current world, the right to eat, shelter, and drink fresh water are not guaranteed rights to ALL individuals! That fact is absolutely just mind blowing. Who's to blame? Humanity's greed, overpopulation, and poor distribution of efforts and resources, perhaps. (Rant over)
THE ETHICAL SOLUTION of a RADICAL NEW WORLD: In my opinion, The Great Pyramids of Egypt are a simple reminder of Maslow's 6-tier hierarchy of needs. When you take Maslow's pyramid and combined it with a hybrid of Homesteading and Universal Basic Income, something heavenly is born! Regardless of birth race, place, or poverty...I believe all people of earth and all governances should adjoin to fulfill the common goal that each living person has the right to have their Physiological needs met. We NEED to get people gardening and reconnected with their roots! (If we don't, people's nutritionless crappy diets will continue resulting in cancer and disease.) In my opinion, it's what we ALL NEED. I call it Maslow's Ark.
Maslow's Ark - Life on Earth should be modeled after Heaven; with a place and purpose prepared for you when you're born. When born to the Earth, you deserve the right to your basic physiological needs such as food, water, and shelter. (Not to struggle because your dirt poor parents selfishly birthed you to 'duck-tape' their failed marriage together... or because they get a child tax credit! \sarcasm**) We, The United People of Earth in order to transcend Maslow's Physiological needs as a birthright. Achieved by way of hybrid mix of self-sufficient homesteading and Universal Basic Income (UBI) payments. To transform and upgrade shitty land and broken homes into self-sufficient sustainable functional quality 2 or 4 Acre personalized ('green new deal'/ permaculture) homesteads and housing, thereby creating an economy of guaranteed paid jobs with the support of resources from local and world governances centrally focused on preparing places (aka Heavens on earth) for others and future generations. When working for Maslow's Ark, you are essentially doing the work of an Angel. (Biblically speaking, Naoh's Ark was a literal ship, but what is Planet Earth, but one giant Space Ship?) This way of life is my little brain-child and I would like to name it "Maslow's Ark."
We all have Physiological needs to live a fulfilled life. Nobody wants war. Nobody wants death or famine. I want to focus specifically on the 'end-cap' Tiers 1 & 6 of Maslow's pyramid as how they would look if applied to our current world. I think that all countries and individuals with a net wealth over $10m must contribute generously of resources by a majority vote (perhaps) via coordination of the United Nations leverage to kick-start this.
A quick refresher of Maslow's 6-tier pyramid:
Tier 1. Physiological needs - these are biological requirements for human survival, e.g. air, food, water, shelter, clothing, warmth, sex, sleep.
Tier 2. Safety needs - Once an individual’s physiological needs are satisfied, the needs for security and safety become salient. Protection from greed and corruption.
Tier 3. Love and belongingness needs - after physiological and safety needs have been fulfilled, the third level of human needs is social and involves feelings of belongingness. The need for interpersonal relationships motivates behavior
Tier 4. Esteem needs are the fourth level in Maslow’s hierarchy - which Maslow classified into two categories: (i) esteem for oneself (dignity, achievement, mastery, independence) and (ii) the desire for reputation or respect from others (e.g., status, prestige).
Tier 5. Self-actualization needs are the highest level in Maslow's hierarchy, and refer to the realization of a person's potential, self-fulfillment, seeking personal growth and peak experiences. Maslow (1943) describes this level as the desire to accomplish everything that one can, to become the most that one can be.
Tier 6. Transcendence - the very highest and most inclusive or holistic levels of human consciousness, behaving and relating, as ends rather than means, to oneself, to significant others, to human beings in general, to other species, to nature, and to the cosmos. AKA - To Help other's Self-Actualize, beginning with Physiological Needs.
**How it works, in a nut shell:**If you don't have kids, you're a hero and don't need to work much. If you have 1 child, you must work Part-Time for Maslow's Ark. If you have 2 children, you must work Full-Time for Maslow's Ark.
How it will work in detail (Beta v1.3):
No Children Pledge:
  1. At the age of 15, you graduate from a life skills school and may inherit the choice of either: Option A - Inherit a paid-for 2 acre prepared homestead and receive 70% ($840usd per month) UBI Payments. Option B - Assigned a non-arable rent-free apartment with 80% UBI payments ($960us per month). Option C - You live life freestyle, like in an RV, conversion van, or you're homeless, or a homestead/apartment isn't available or prepared for you yet; you shall receive 100% ($1200) UBI payments. *For either option A,B, or C; the child-free individual must perform volunteer work for Maslow's Ark 1 day per week (4 flexible days per month) for 20 years. *Your choice depends on if you preference for living in-town or out-of-town. (The individual may have the opportunity to switch between these, once every 4 years.) *In addition, those who pledge not to have children are awarded a 1oz 24k Gold world medal of honor for serving the duty of your planet for their selfless child-free commitment. AKA If you don't have kids, you don't need to work much. (Through population de-escalation, these people are the real heroes and saviors of planet Earth.) *A married child-free couple may choose to consolidate in one of three ways: A. Consolidate to upgrade into a single 4-acre prepared homestead and each receive 65% ($780usd) UBI payments. C. Consolidate to a single 2-acre prepared homestead and each receive 80% UBI payments ($960us per month). B. Consolidate to upgrade into a non-arable single family home and each receive 85% ($1020usd) UBI payments. D. Consolidate to a single apartment, but each receive 90% ($1,080us) UBI Payments. (It's these individuals that will have the most financial momentum to start a business, be teachers, or become BacheloMaster Degree Students if they choose to pursue higher education with their free time, or for those that love to travel and see the world, and generally be the local economy stimulators.)
  2. For married parents caring for 1 child, When that child turns 2 years of age: Option A - If the parents have consolidated to a single 4-acre prepared homestead, they will each receive a 40% UBI ($480). Option B - If the parents have consolidated to a single 2-acre prepared homestead, they will each receive a 50% UBI ($600). Option C - If the parents have consolidated to a non-arable single-family home they will each receive a 55% UBI ($660). Option D - If the parents have consolidated to a single apartment they will each receive 60% UBI ($720). \In either option A,B,C, or D; the married couple must also commit to paid work for Maslow's Ark a minimum net of 5 days per week for 20 years. The parents may divide the work days between each other as a 0/5 or 2/3 split for example.* **If the couple's net 20 years of work service concludes prior to retirement, then their UBI payment will be 65% each until retirement.
  3. For married parents caring for 2 children, When that child turns 2 years of age: Option A - If the parents have consolidated to a single 4-acre prepared homestead, they will each receive 25% UBI ($300). Option B - If the parents have consolidated to a single 2-acre prepared homestead, they will each receive 30% UBI ($360). Option C - If the parents have consolidated to a non-arable single-family home they will each receive 40% UBI ($480). Option D - If the parents have consolidated to a single apartment they will each receive 45% UBI ($540). \In either option A,B,C, or D; the married couple must also commit to paid work for Maslow's Ark a minimum net of 7 days per week for 20 years. The parents may divide the work days between each other as a 0/7, 2/5, or 3/4 split for example. (The 3/4 split allows someone to always be home for the kids, animals, and vegetable gardens.)* **If the couple's net 20 years of work service concludes prior to retirement, then their UBI payment will be 55% each until retirement.
  4. Adoption: If a married couple with no children elect to adopt an orphan child they are awarded a 1oz 24k Gold world medal of honor for serving the duty of their planet. In addition to each keeping their 100% UBI payments, they also qualify for an additional 30% UBI payment until that child turns 16 (when they will have Maslow's Physiological needs fulfilled as a birthright).
Experimental Extra Options:
  1. An optional 6 acre prepared homestead capped at 20% UBI Payments.
  2. An optional 10 acre prepared homestead capped at 10% UBI Payments.
Universal conditions: -Individuals cannot sell or sub-lease their single family homes, homesteads, or apartments for profit, since they were prepared by The People of Earth, they inherently belong to The People of Earth. -World adoption of a 2-child limit. -Universal Healthcare (including birth control) -Free Education for All -Retirement age is 65, when you receive 90% UBI (instead of Social Security).
How Maslow's Ark Schooling Would Work: Schools would serve the communities multi-functionally; as food banks, seed banks, internship & job connection centers, and teaching children basic life skills. At the heart of every town city and community, there must be an large agricultural center (not just a vampire w-mart), with all the tools and resources needed to grow fruits, vegetables, care for farm animals, and other things like making compost. I propose combining the agricultural center and school as one system. If hungry people in the community desperately need food or seeds, (since the kids are growing food) they can return to their school for food and cheap supplies, functioning as the backbone and heart of every town. All current schools will be converted into large-scale self sufficient homesteads. The governances of the world will fund the solar and wind-powered system upgrades (making them off-grid which give the students a means to learn these systems). Ages 4-10 would be your standard basic Math, Language, Health, Cooking, and History. In addition, 50% of each school day would be learning how to grow food, raise chickens, milk cows, and maintain all aspects of a homestead. (Children will actually care for 2 reasons: A. Everyone loves baby chickens and B. The kids are promised a homestead at 15, and that's SO MUCH BRIGHT & POSITIVE ENERGY! (Unless they choose the apartment...)) (Every human should know how to be self-sufficient!) It's much better for children to during fresh organic milk and vitamin-rich tomatoes anyways, in those early development years. Ages 11-13 would be training in a more specific life-skill trade. Ages 14-15 would be internships where students go to job-sites to learn and assist the parents in Maslow's Ark homestead preparation. Additionally, the schools may also function as a free wholesome dating and room-mate pairing service as well as free marriages. World Governances would fund schools to build homes, (rather than the traditional mortgage) further making schools central work hubs for internships and parents.
Maslow's jobs may include (and be educationally centered around): -Housing & Apartment Rehabilitation (Carpentry, Electrical, Plumbing, HVAC) -Boosting soil Fertility & Compost Creation -Regional Food Gardening, Nurseries, & Research -Planting Permaculture Trees, Arborist, Lumber Mills -Building Greenhouses & Barns -Wood & Gas eventually replaced by fusion energy electricity plants -Solar, Wind, and Battery Technology/Service -Helping care for thy Elderly & Disabled neighbors -Farm Animal Care & breeding -Property, Homes, and Jobs bank coordinator -Small scale Electric Farm Equipment & Electric vehicle production & service. -Clean Water Production such as wells, ponds, rainwater and desalination. -100% Trash Reuse, Repurpose, & Recycling -Teaching all the aforementioned.
The Economy: Self sufficiency means less tax revenue for the government, but at the same time, (the US government is doing a terrible job at creating jobs and unemployment rates are skyrocketing. Capitalist governments don't care if businesses like w-mart or h-depot bleed towns dry of money and killed all the mom n' pop shops, or let robots take over factories. Between the green new deal, and working for Maslow's Ark homesteads, there would be millions of jobs created for regular every-day people. Every house with a big lawn could be retrofit as a homestead. Parents of kids must work, therefore they get charged taxes on their paychecks. Parents without children have a greater allowance to spend money on taxable goods and services. With The People of Earth circumventing the need to spend the bulk of their lives paying for a mortgage and having money tied into their mortgages, you will see a huge shift in people investing in other assets such as stocks, silver, gold, and bitcoin as a means of generational wealth, as it should be. What I also know is that when more people are incentivized to not have kids, the proceeding generations have more space and resources. Population de-escalation creates abundance. I theorize for example: 4 or 5generations from now, you might take 3 established fruiting 2 acre homesteads and combine them into a lavish 6 acre homestead for a single couple, where UBI payments become less and less necessary, until no longer needed. In this case, you'd have an abundance of food for sale, trade and barter, and plenty of gold medals inherited from child-free aunts and uncles. This is much more appealing than the choice of an apartment in a city. I think cities would dissipate and skyscrapers be used for vertical farming. (Like Thanos, without all the death.) (Disclaimer* I'm not an economist.) I would love to hear feedback if you agree or disagree that this would work and suggest improvements to make it work better.
In conclusion, my number and % ratios may need some fine tuning, but I believe this is the only functioning groundwork for the way that a simple and fulfilled life should be. I would love to hear feedback and I hope this concept of hybrid homesteading & % Ratio UBI becomes widely known and built upon.
submitted by MindfulMowgli to homestead [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 11:43 meechiiibear if you knew a man was cheating on his wife, would you tell her? what if it was with your sister? (all around crazy details that make things more difficult)

so i’ve known this guy for a while. we’ll call him jim. we’ll call his wife, nicki. and let’s name my sister jessica.
they both worked at my favorite tattoo shop when i met them. when i first met her, she was always talking about him. how she’s so in love with him, how they’re getting married, how she’s just, basically, obsessed with him. she’s insanely attractive too. she was a receptionist, then gradually worked her way into becoming an artist herself there. when i last spoke with her longer than just a visit to the shop, she had visited me at the bookstore i was working at to catch up. i was putting up a cart of books in a section so it was easy to lightly converse during work.
she was telling me how she wanted to join the military because it was just better money. by this point they had gotten married. she was explaining to me that she wanted them to save enough money so they could open their own shop & since they were already married, she’d make more. she even told me they had a savings of 5K just sitting in their closet, & they were working toward this dream essentially.
they’re both pretty attractive, actually. to better flesh them out, she’s a caramel colored babe. she has beautiful, big, brown eyes, & nice lips. i’d honestly pursue her if she wasn’t married LOL. so cute. plus she’s a gamer & she’s just.. simple. a bit ditzy, but you know. she’s guatemalan & puerto rican. jim is about 6”2 or so, covered in ink, even to his face. i believe he’s colombian. he has nice symmetry in his face also.
now, introducing my sister, i have to bring up the fact that she’s dealt with mental illness for a long time. she’s the baby of our family, being the youngest. she’s gorgeous too, & often gets compared to kylie jenner. she’s struggled with bipolar & borderline personality disorders since she was 15. i had custody of her when she was 14 but she was so unstable & so disrespectful & i just had a newborn, i had to talk with my parents about some kind of custodial agreement. i was only 21. i apologized to her recently about not knowing how to deal with it (this is to kind of give you guys a history of our own relationship & how sensitive i am about it. i’ve felt guilt the past few years over our family wounds & just not being better for her. i was a single mom as soon as my baby turned 3 months old. the history of my family is just.. it’s a lot.)
there’s more to my family history that obviously plays into behavioral things with my sister, i believe. all of the sisters have something — me recently being diagnosed with OCD. (this is essentially why i’m asking what i’m asking, intrusive thoughts - overthinking, etc. a big coping mechanism has been to stay to myself & mind my business — but with this particular thing, it’s so tricky. it’s so off moral compass & if it were MY husband doing this, i’d need someone to tell me. but the relationship with my sister is so tender.)
so as of 2020, starting at the beginning of quarantine - i wanna say April, my sister started doing some crazy shit. she really got in with the wrong crowd. i think she was just so bored. apparently she was selling herself & doing meth & was just absolutely in the worst place a woman could be in. i tried talking to her, but she fled every time. she didn’t like to be home. she doesn’t like our parents. i’m 27 years old with a 5 year old daughter. i did not like her bringing people into the house, especially amidst a fucking pandemic when covid cautions were peaking. it was literally during the quarantine period. she’d come home after being out & ask everyone, “how’s quarantine?” & we’d just look at each other. it’s like she doesn’t fully understand how/what she’s doing. she’s on auto pilot & it breaks my heart. my other sister (she’s 24 & a well-educated woman who teaches high school) — her & i discuss options for her all the time. we tried having girls days, we tried sitting with her to talk about things & we even tried “not” talking about it. i’m a full-time artist, working for commissions & taking care of my child. i like to think i’m pretty chill & am not being an annoying older sister who thinks she knows everything. we try to level, but our empathy levels when it comes to our baby sister jessica — it’s just too much. and our poor parents, they’re just scared she’ll attempt suicide. (she used this as a phrase to get what she wants)
(this gets crazy, bare with me, details are important)
so amidst her crazy phase of doing all this.. craziness.. she was traveling to the city, when we lived in a small town. she doesn’t have her own car. she uses our parents’. she’d stay out & disregard my mom’s need for the car to go to work, leaving us to take her (an hour commute) or for her to borrow one of our cars. she’s pretty abusive of our parents. she’s 20 & doesn’t work. granted, during quarantine a LOT of people lost their jobs, but she specifically doesn’t like to work. ANYWAY, she thought she was going to move to the city. mind you she only told me about what she was doing & promised me not to tell anyone. when i confided in our other sister about it, i only told her bare-minimum. no one but me knows how extreme it was. i promised i wouldn’t tell anyone & ultimately, my formula is that i just want her to trust me, so when i tell her something, she believes me. (eventually. ...we can hope right)
this is where shit gets crazy for me & what makes things just.. so difficult.
the guy she was going to be moving in with with to the city came down to pick her up. they weren’t dating, he was “her security”. to make a long story short, i was already drunk when he got to the house & when he arrived, i started grilling him on site. “who are you, where is she going to be living, what’s your phone number,” etc. he was pretty attractive & charming & actually made eye-contact unlike the other guys she brought to the house. this was in May of 2020. i was heartbroken because my fiancé & i broke up right before quarantine (reason for being drunk) he asked me if i was drinking & i told him yeah. it was midnight. my sister suggested they just stay & leave in the morning. she wanted me to know him. so we kicked it in the living room, my daughter asleep in our room. everyone else was asleep. my sister was falling asleep, i think she was off a xanax. (sighs while typing that) as she was falling asleep, i kept asking what he did, how they met. i never really got any answers. all i could tell was that he was in the “middle of a play”, constantly receiving calls & apparently working with large ass numbers. i was lightly flirting with him because if you were single during the quarantine period, you know why 😂 it was fun, i felt relief for a second from the heartbreak .. or so i thought. i don’t know if he slipped something in my drink or what, but i remember vividly not being able to walk when we went outside to smoke a cigarette. he kissed me & i thought it was cute, but i’m not the type to just have sex if you’re attractive. i absolutely need emotional connection to have sex, which takes months. he kept urging me to go over behind my dads van & i kept insisting on going back inside. “i’m going to bed. you can sleep on the other couch in the living room.” and he grabbed me by the arm & walked me over to a chair that he put in between the van & fence where he proceeded to rape me.
i felt so disgusting, set an appointment to get tested & bled for 7 days. i had to wait til i was done bleeding to see if i caught anything & it was the worst. i had to get therapy because it heightened my OCD & made me more anxious & depressed.
when it was done i was basically kicking him out. “if you guys are going to go, then just go.” he woke up my sister & they got in the car. they got arrested on their way up, apparently he was driving on a suspended license, there were weapons & large amounts of drugs in the car, etc — & wound up in jail less than an hour of leaving the house. i didn’t know until the next day after calling around that they were actually in the county still, they didn’t even make it out of our small town.
this is all important. because this period of time felt so dangerous to me. i felt as if i’d never seen my sister be with these kind of people & i also felt as if i didn’t have any control. i suffered a lot mentally & i had to keep it together for my daughter. my OCD developed into feeling like the people she was hanging around with would come to my parents house unannounced & my thoughts were becoming unbearable. my body hurt & i was physically healing on top of everything globally going on with our political climate. it was so hard to be awake some days, but i made the best of it for my babygirl. i felt i needed to protect her, so despite loving my parents & feeling like i needed to be with family over quarantine, my compulsions led me to move 3 hours away, in with one of my best friends.
my sister stayed in jail for a month. she was eventually bailed out after a month by my mom — she was pulling the “i want to become a minister & help people” card to get out. she was back to her ways after 2 weeks of being bailed out. THIS is when i decided to move.
i couldn’t do it, i couldn’t be there with my sister. i always tried to keep it cordial but she’s always been rather distant. i always felt i could understand her, but the block in aiding her to a better path was her inability to really be present. she was always in her own world & did only what she wanted to do regardless of whoever she affected.
i moved away & she ghosted me. (it’s coming. the title of this. sorry😅) — i was hurt by this & it was one of the main points in every therapy session i had. my therapist suggested talking with her / apologizing (what i said earlier) next time i can. she didn’t talk to me for over a month, i wanna say 2 months. i visited my parents house recently & was able to do this. she said the reason she ghosted me was because she was afraid that i would judge her for her new relationship. then that’s when she told me she was seeing jim, the married man. i asked, “what happened with nicki?” — to which she replied, “oh, apparently she’s seeing a girl in the army.” so, at this point — i’m like okay, this is none of my business but what? on his stories on instagram, he tries super hard to look “alone”. posting pictures with their cats like “when you’re alone & only have your cats” meanwhile my sister is calling me from his house. i can visually see the forced effort from him online, so what she’s saying doesn’t line up. also they’re not exactly hiding it either. she’s deployed overseas, i believe & she won’t be back until the holidays. my sister has already said that when she comes back, she’ll probably just go back to our parents house & figure things out from there. one of my good friends works at the tattoo shop & wears it on his face that he’s disgusted about the situation. especially when his wife used to work there & everyone knows their still married. ... i don’t ask any questions, i’m just grateful my sister is at least talking to me again.
i so badly want to help my sister change for the better & be there for her the way absolutely no one is — because i believe that’s all it takes to change a life. but i also feel like this is just out of my hands. i recently got back with my ex-fiancé, he started fighting for us again. he’s been such an amazing support system, helping me pay for therapy, knowing all these details. in his opinion, we should just watch things unfold from a distance & focus on the life we’re building together. i can’t shake this feeling of needing to protect her. i think it may be the face that i had custody of her when we were younger so i just inherited more of a motherly relationship to her than i expected ..? either way, i look at my man & i just feel so blessed. but i also have OCD & if i let this situation go, knowing this man is outright cheating on his wife, spending their money on my sister, she sends me photos now when they go on trips... it’s just ... i would need someone to tell me.
so.. with all these details, perhaps i may be asking for more than the title-question is actually asking but what do i do? how do i support my sister like this?! i can’t even look at her sometimes. but i love her so unconditionally. also — my parents have installed security systems at the house & i fully believe they’re in a safer situation. if this sounds crazy, i’m just glad my sister isn’t doing what she was doing before with the meth & that crowd. at least she’s “grounded” going to that tattoo shop (where i consider a lot of people family work at) & she’s essentially “out of trouble” even though mistress business is still a dangerous game.
advice on any of this shit is appreciated. i am in therapy, i am supported, i feel a lot better than i did in june/july. i consistently pray for her, my family & the world. (if you’re into prayer could you say a good one for me? 😅)
submitted by meechiiibear to offmychest [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 07:29 zachthenerd11 31 [M4F] Orlando Florida looking for a weeb girl...

Updated:08-23-2020
I am The main protagonist in my life, Looking FOR A DEUTERAGONIST WEEB GIRL!
Greetings, and Thank you for taking the time to peruse my profile. I am particularity looking for someone who shares the same goals, passions, and hobbies that I do. I've come to the realization those things mean a lot to me. So take your time reading my profile, and if after you read it and you think I'm a fit then I do hope to hear from you.
Hello, my name is Zach I am 31 until October I was excited for 2020 this year. I was going to make more of an attempt this year to go out and meet more people and the chance of finding someone. Why couldn't I do this before that is because I didn't have the means to so but that changed three months before the new year than this year started. Honesty this year sickened me with what unfolded over the months but enough of that. I am not really into political things but my views line up with left-libertarian I am Agnostic and my personality type is ENFJ-A for people who care. I also support and believe in LGBT, women's rights, and black lives matter. I am not from Florida I moved here in 2002 from Ohio I was raised by a single mother and I have two sisters which we are very close to this day. I've had a good upbringing even though my mom struggled to provide for us. my mother taught us these Core Values that I believe to this day communication, trust, kindness, loyalty, respect, and equality. These things also apply in the relationships that I build with friends and relationships with my past partners that I will continue to do so moving forward. So saying this what brings me to hear will 2011 to 2015 was a really rough time in my life with relationships I went through learning very hard things that I thought that I would never let happen to myself until it happens. This echoes to this day but that was 2015 it's been six years and I haven't found anyone and continue to look now. I took the time to heal over that time learned somethings that I never know I was interested in. I took the time because I was abused, used, and thrown away in between 2011 to 2015 My past relationships Didn't work for many reasons what's funny though i didn't end them. Besides the negative things that happen I was not really compatible with them, I am looking for someone who shares my interests like Anime and Gaming, Comics, Geek Culture in General, etc. I also want someone who wants to befriend my friends and family. But overall l am looking for someone who is genuinely kind and considerate but can also think for herself. someone who I can geek out going to conventions, movies, watching TV, waiting for a game to come out no more opposites for me. I can’t do opposites anymore I want someone who can hold an intellectual conversation. I've known that i have a high sex drive and learned that I'm into BDSM and open-minded and that I was learning some things that I might be interested polyamory many a triad Relationship but I know that takes a lot of trusts and I'm aware that It may not happen but would like an open-minded person to talk about it with. I do want to take things slower than I am used to but I don't be placed in friend the zone area. I used to move faster then I would have liked I am not proud of that fact I want to build with someone and grow together. So I am asking a lot and what do I have to give I can say what you deserve and will get from me. Someone who will support your dreams and goals with no harsh criticism or even malice only you will get love and support. You will always have my ear to listen to help if and when I am needed you will always have my loyalty I detest cheating. If there is a problem and it can't be fixed leave that relationship there's no reason to cheat and hurt someone. there are so many partners that don't get simple things everyone should have in general In a relationship. I can go on but if after you read my profile and interested don't hesitate to write to me I love when someone is detailed while messaging but what I don't enjoy are one-liner's and people who just drop off don't say anything for a few hour's or even day's I will give one last try but if you do that more then once at that point I will stop talking to you. I will put the effort that I receive back thanks for reading my profile and I hope to hear from you!
Ps. You will see be on these dating sites POF, OkCupid, Bumble, Hinge, Facebook Dating, Zook, Match, Eharmony, Tinder, Geek2Geek, and FetLife.
submitted by zachthenerd11 to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]


2020.09.23 01:56 ChonkyBeagle My son is a hateful incel, and I just cannot save him or defend him anymore.

My boy, my oldest child, was so good when he was little, but something broke inside of him when he was a teenager.
My wife and I always accepted, loved, and encouraged him. We pushed him to work hard and treat people with respect. I don’t know where exactly we failed him but as a father I feel responsible for the thing he’s turned into.
It started when he was 14. He had began to become withdrawn and emotional. We chalked it up to teenaged mood swings. For some reason he was just so angsty and bitter all the time. We were worried about his lack of social life and his over-reliance on his computer. He kind of hid himself in the online world so my wife and I began to limit his computer time, but he simply became more aggressive and confrontational.
His hygiene was bad, and he was always confrontational when we told him to shower or do laundry. His room stank horribly and we eventually had a huge fight over it where he physically shoved my wife and called her a bitch, and eventually we got him to at least clean and air out his room regularly on the grounds that it was our house and if he couldn’t maintain his space he wouldn’t be entitled to it - essentially we got to the point where we told him he wouldn’t be allowed his worldly possessions or privacy unless he took care of the space we all shared. the room still smelled and he was still rude about cleaning it but we could tell him to get it clean and he would do it after that.
We ended up getting a call from his school saying that a female student felt harassed by him. We were shown messages where he continually badgered her to have sex with him, threatened to “punish” her for stringing him along, sending her unsolicited nudes, telling her some violent fantasies of his, and eventually just descending into some horrid rage-filled rant about how she is just another “whore” and other things.
We were shocked. We explained to him why this behaviour was unacceptable, and I explained to him that it was ok to be sexually active but his actions were toxic and abusive.
I tried mentoring him man-to-man, taking him on camping trips and whatnot and talking to him about women and girls and trying to give him advice. I suggested he try showering, changing up his hair and facial hair styles, trying out different fashion styles, maybe going to the gym.
I told him some hard truths - that he doesn’t want a gross woman so he shouldn’t be a gross man. By gross I mean hygiene and looks. I explained to him that good looks are more hygiene and self care than genetics but he refused to accept what I said to him.
After that I caught him sniffing his sister’s panties in the laundry room - she was 12 at the time and he was 17. He assured me it had nothing to do with his sister, he said he just had a panty sniffing fetish and he pretended they belonged to girls from porno videos, but still I gave him hell for it, and he was grounded and lost his computer for 6 months. I went through his computer and I was disgusted by the kinds of hateful, racist, incel forums he frequented, the horrid things he said about women, and his save file was full of cartoon porn with girls of questionable ages. I wiped the hard drive completely and began strictly monitoring his online activity. I used parental filters to block incel sites and and porn sites that hosted cartoon porn.
The next big issue was something he did to my daughter’s friend. My daughter is 5 years his junior, and one day after a sleepover, my daughter came to me and said her friend wanted to tell me something but was afraid of what I would say.
My son cornered this 13 year old girl and physically blocked her path and touched her hair and face while making very inappropriate comments about her body and asking her if she liked to sleep naked and what kind of underwear she wore.
I tore into my son for that, my wife and I both shouted at him, and told him his behaviour was horrible and I told him then that if his actions got him arrested I would not defend him. He accused us of not loving him, but I told him the reason I was so passionately angry in that situation is because I do love him, and I want to help him become a good man so he can stop being so predatory and bitter and miserable. I told him some hard truths. That he did this all to himself and that he is the only one he can blame for how bitter he is.
I suggested he look to women his own age and he went on a rant about how it was a waste of time because women were already whores (and his definition of a whore is a woman who has had sex even just once) by 17. I called him out on his bullshit and expressed clearly that if he harassed young girls anymore I would personally turn him in.
I invited my daughters friend over after and I personally apologized to her for her experiences, I cried in shame for my son’s behaviour and begged her forgiveness for allowing her to feel unsafe in my home and promised her that if she ever felt uncomfortable she could come to my wife and I and we would always believe and help her. Luckily, my daughter didn’t lose this friend, but for safety I installed a lock on my daughter’s door.
We got my son therapy but he refused to engage with the therapist, calling him a “sand nigger” and “pajeet” and “terrorist”. His next therapist was a “chad”, so he didn’t relate to that either.
We fought about him not trying, not getting a job, and he said he couldn’t get one because of the immigrants, to which I pointed out that he was struggling because he got fired from his high school jobs for being lazy.
After those fights, my wife tried to empathize with him and understand what made him so bitter but he flipped out at her, and called her a cock-gargling whore and said that she fucked her way through dozens of men until she found a “beta-fag” who was willing to shelter her for missionary sex.
My wife, who works and contributes to the family income, who is an independent, professional woman.
Honestly, I lost it more than ever before. I had never been so angry when I heard what he said. That may be his mom, he may be my son, but the woman he was abusively tearing into is my god damn wife. No one can treat my wife like that.
I am ashamed to say in my anger, he shoved me and I physically retaliated, shoving him back, and pinning him against the wall. I felt ashamed of myself, I have never been an angry or violent person, but I couldn’t control myself. I’ve never put my hands on either of my children in such a way in my life, I hate child abusers... but this boy was no child. He was a grown man.
He was intimidated and backed down, and for a while he was peaceful.
The last straw was this week.
My daughter has dated 3 people her whole life. A boy, a girl, and now another boy. We were as open about sex with my daughter as we were with my son. We asked if she would like to have a question-free steady supply of condoms left in her bathroom drawer, and if she wanted to get on birth control. She said no to both questions with her first boyfriend. She never really brought him home but we met him at one of her recitals. When she had a girlfriend she went over to her house all the time, and didn’t want to bring her to the same house her brother lived in, a sentiment I understood.
But her most recent boyfriend has a lot going on behind the scenes in his family. He’s a nice boy but his mom is a single mom of 4 and they struggle.
This boy started coming around a month after they got together. I like him. My daughter is happy with him. He treats her with respect. He is an intelligent boy. He’s an absolute gentleman. He’s respectful and polite in our home. He calls me sir, calls my wife Ma’am, he offers to help with the cooking or dishes or cleaning while he’s visiting, he talks to us, he’s a bit of an amateur cook himself and brings us food all the time to say thank you for taking care of him, when we go out for dinner he always offers to pay for himself and my daughter (though I know he doesn’t have much money so I always pay). When getting out of the car he opens the door for my wife and offers her his hand (he sits behind her for leg room). He holds the doors, when we leave somewhere he helps my daughter put her jacket on like those sweet old fashioned couples.
This young man works hard, and gives what little he has to his mom and siblings. Like I said, I really respect the boy. I offered him money once for groceries for his family but he turns me down and says he would feel guilty accepting my money like that. He’s appreciative of things - in the winter, it was -20 and he had only a hoodie, so I draped my jacket over his arms, and I said “take it son, it’s cold.” He had tears in his eyes as he said thank you, and I made some excuse about wanting to get rid of the jacket and told him he could keep it if he brought cookies for us next time he visited.
When Christmas came along, I invited him over for supper, and when I went to pick him up I delivered some presents for his family, and on the ride back to my house we had a moment. He was crying because he didn’t have much to give us - he got everyone in our house a present but he cried anyways because he felt it wasn’t enough to make up for what we gave him. I pulled over, and I just hugged him, and I said to him that it wasn’t the value of what he got, it was that he got us anything at all. I thanked him for treating my daughter so well, and I told him he would always be welcome in my home.
My own son didn’t get us anything for christmas, not even a card bought with the money we give him. This boy got my wife and I matching wine glasses since we like to share a bottle every now and then.
My son didn’t eat with us. He pillaged the food table and ran away to his room alone while my daughter’s boyfriend met my sister and her family and my parents and my uncle. They all told me how charming he was and how polite he was. Meanwhile after dinner my son told my 5 year old nephew “fuck off Faggot” for asking to play a game with him. A man over 20 years old.
Last week, my wife and I went out for an evening to ourselves. We went to dinner, then we went to an upscale bar to play some pool, then we went home.
When I walked in the door, the kids were screaming at each other. I came in to see my son and my daughter’s boyfriend fighting. The boyfriend was just pushing my son back and trying to redirect him, my son was throwing punches and charging him. My daughter was crying and sitting against the wall clutching her face. I got between them and pushed them apart, and demanded to know what was happening.
My son went on a tirade about how he found birth control pills and heard “whore” sounds from her room, so he kicked open her door and discovered them having sex, he said he couldn’t believe his own sister would “be a nigger’s whore” and called the poor boy a monkey and other things.
My wife got my daughter and her boyfriend out of there and I yelled at my son for how he was acting. Eventually I got nowhere with him so I made him wait in his room. I went to talk to my daughter. I apologized to her boyfriend, crying as I did, telling him that I hope he could forgive me for letting this happen. He said he was sorry for getting violent but that he only did it because my son hit her. My daughter cried and said he was a psycho and threatened to rape her, and that he admitted to ejaculating on her toothbrush and hair brush.
I charged into his room, and I said firmly that he should pack his bags and leave. I told him I would pay to have his things sent to him, wherever he went, but that he was leaving tomorrow.
My wife stayed at my sisters, and my daughter and her boyfriend spent the next few nights at his place.
The next day I practically threw my son out of the house kicking and screaming.
I took his key back and changed the alarm codes and garage door code. A day later I had a message requesting some of this things - mostly his gaming stuff - be delivered to some strange apartment block I didn’t recognize a couple of towns over. A college aged man buzzed me in and I delivered the stuff. I didn’t see my son.
My wife and I then went through his room. My daughter’s boyfriend came over and helped me move his furniture to the garage. We threw out his mattress and some other more gross and smelly things, and we took out the carpet to be replaced.
Hidden in the closet was a treasure trove of my daughter’s underwear, so saturated with old, moldy semen that they were as hard as bricks. The unnerving part was that there were a few pairs my daughter was adamant didn’t belong to her. And they were too small for my wife. It was possible he stole them from my nieces.
There was a sketchbook containing graphic drawings of my son violently raping different women and keeping little girls chained up in some kind of sex dungeon. I went through his old phone that was still working, and all his photos were screenshots of my nieces and their friends in their bikinis, lots of cartoon porn, lots of red pill and incel and Trump memes. He still had messenger, so I checked his messages, most of them were just him trying to harass women and underaged girls.
I checked his Email and... much to my disgust, he stole private photos of my wife from her phone, and he was selling them.
Today, I went to the police with everything and told them everything.
I gave my baby boy everything... I don’t know why he went down this road. But I’m just so sorry I failed him. I don’t know what the police will do... but I hope they stop him before he hurts someone else.
The sad thing is... yesterday, once it was all over and settled, yesterday we had a wonderful day. One of the happiest we have ever had.
Edit: there is a lot to sort through, it’s impossible to reply to everyone so let me hit the big points.
edit 2
With new replies coming in by the truckload and 3 new pm’s for every one I reply to, I am getting slightly overwhelmed by the response here. I can’t really keep up, even just reading I have begun skipping comments to keep up. I have things to do today but I’ll try to catch up every so often.
edit 3
Mods locked the thread. I am not sure why but there are almost 10,000 replies and maybe 500 pm’s to sort through.
submitted by ChonkyBeagle to copypasta [link] [comments]


2020.09.22 06:44 MindfulMowgli This could save Planet Earth!

My grandpa once told me: "Listen dipsh*t, if you rely on someone else for your food... then they own you AND your lovely wife."
Well... my crazy grandpa wasn't totally wrong. There is simply too many people on this planet and not enough resources to go around. All the family's generational wealth has been either divided into dust or soaked up by the rich 1%. The division of wealth and power in this world is so unbalanced, it's sick and saddening. Because of this, there are many people struggling who are so tormented and defeated... homeless, unemployed, or working as wage slaves (because overpopulation makes for cheap labor); that they feel like there is no place for them in the future and that suicide is the only option. In our current world, the right to eat, shelter, and drink fresh water are not guaranteed rights to ALL individuals! That fact is absolutely just mind blowing. Who's to blame? Humanity's greed, overpopulation, and poor distribution of efforts and resources, perhaps. (Rant over)
THE ETHICAL SOLUTION of a RADICAL NEW WORLD: In my opinion, The Great Pyramids of Egypt are a simple reminder of Maslow's 6-tier hierarchy of needs. When you take Maslow's pyramid and combined it with a hybrid of Homesteading and Universal Basic Income, something heavenly is born! Regardless of birth race, place, or poverty...I believe all people of earth and all governances should adjoin to fulfill the common goal that each living person has the right to have their Physiological needs met. We NEED to get people gardening and reconnected with their roots! (If we don't, people's nutritionless crappy diets will continue resulting in cancer and disease.) In my opinion, it's what we ALL NEED. I call it Maslow's Ark.
Maslow's Ark - Life on Earth should be modeled after Heaven; with a place and purpose prepared for you when you're born. When born to the Earth, you deserve the right to your basic physiological needs such as food, water, and shelter. (Not to struggle because your dirt poor parents selfishly birthed you to 'duck-tape' their failed marriage together... or because they get a child tax credit! \sarcasm**) We, The United People of Earth in order to transcend Maslow's Physiological needs as a birthright. Achieved by way of hybrid mix of self-sufficient homesteading and Universal Basic Income (UBI) payments. To transform and upgrade shitty land and broken homes into self-sufficient sustainable functional quality 2 or 4 Acre personalized ('green new deal'/ permaculture) homesteads and housing, thereby creating an economy of guaranteed paid jobs with the support of resources from local and world governances centrally focused on preparing places (aka Heavens on earth) for others and future generations. When working for Maslow's Ark, you are essentially doing the work of an Angel. (Biblically speaking, Naoh's Ark was a literal ship, but what is Planet Earth, but one giant Space Ship?) This way of life is my little brain-child and I would like to name it "Maslow's Ark."
We all have Physiological needs to live a fulfilled life. Nobody wants war. Nobody wants death or famine. I want to focus specifically on the 'end-cap' Tiers 1 & 6 of Maslow's pyramid as how they would look if applied to our current world. I think that all countries and individuals with a net wealth over $10m must contribute generously of resources by a majority vote (perhaps) via coordination of the United Nations leverage to kick-start this.
A quick refresher of Maslow's 6-tier pyramid:
Tier 1. Physiological needs - these are biological requirements for human survival, e.g. air, food, water, shelter, clothing, warmth, sex, sleep.
Tier 2. Safety needs - Once an individual’s physiological needs are satisfied, the needs for security and safety become salient. Protection from greed and corruption.
Tier 3. Love and belongingness needs - after physiological and safety needs have been fulfilled, the third level of human needs is social and involves feelings of belongingness. The need for interpersonal relationships motivates behavior
Tier 4. Esteem needs are the fourth level in Maslow’s hierarchy - which Maslow classified into two categories: (i) esteem for oneself (dignity, achievement, mastery, independence) and (ii) the desire for reputation or respect from others (e.g., status, prestige).
Tier 5. Self-actualization needs are the highest level in Maslow's hierarchy, and refer to the realization of a person's potential, self-fulfillment, seeking personal growth and peak experiences. Maslow (1943) describes this level as the desire to accomplish everything that one can, to become the most that one can be.
Tier 6. Transcendence - the very highest and most inclusive or holistic levels of human consciousness, behaving and relating, as ends rather than means, to oneself, to significant others, to human beings in general, to other species, to nature, and to the cosmos. AKA - To Help other's Self-Actualize, beginning with Physiological Needs.
**How it works, in a nut shell:**If you don't have kids, you're a hero and don't need to work much. If you have 1 child, you must work Part-Time for Maslow's Ark. If you have 2 children, you must work Full-Time for Maslow's Ark.
How it will work in detail (Beta v1.3):
No Children Pledge:
  1. At the age of 15, you graduate from a life skills school and may inherit the choice of either: Option A - Inherit a paid-for 2 acre prepared homestead and receive 70% ($840usd per month) UBI Payments. Option B - Assigned a non-arable rent-free apartment with 80% UBI payments ($960us per month). Option C - You live life freestyle, like in an RV, conversion van, or you're homeless, or a homestead/apartment isn't available or prepared for you yet; you shall receive 100% ($1200) UBI payments. *For either option A,B, or C; the child-free individual must perform volunteer work for Maslow's Ark 1 day per week (4 flexible days per month) for 20 years. *Your choice depends on if you preference for living in-town or out-of-town. (The individual may have the opportunity to switch between these, once every 4 years.) *In addition, those who pledge not to have children are awarded a 1oz 24k Gold world medal of honor for serving the duty of your planet for their selfless child-free commitment. AKA If you don't have kids, you don't need to work much. (Through population de-escalation, these people are the real heroes and saviors of planet Earth.) *A married child-free couple may choose to consolidate in one of three ways: A. Consolidate to upgrade into a single 4-acre prepared homestead and each receive 65% ($780usd) UBI payments. C. Consolidate to a single 2-acre prepared homestead and each receive 80% UBI payments ($960us per month). B. Consolidate to upgrade into a non-arable single family home and each receive 85% ($1020usd) UBI payments. D. Consolidate to a single apartment, but each receive 90% ($1,080us) UBI Payments. (It's these individuals that will have the most financial momentum to start a business, be teachers, or become BacheloMaster Degree Students if they choose to pursue higher education with their free time, or for those that love to travel and see the world, and generally be the local economy stimulators.)
  2. For married parents caring for 1 child, When that child turns 2 years of age: Option A - If the parents have consolidated to a single 4-acre prepared homestead, they will each receive a 40% UBI ($480). Option B - If the parents have consolidated to a single 2-acre prepared homestead, they will each receive a 50% UBI ($600). Option C - If the parents have consolidated to a non-arable single-family home they will each receive a 55% UBI ($660). Option D - If the parents have consolidated to a single apartment they will each receive 60% UBI ($720). \In either option A,B,C, or D; the married couple must also commit to paid work for Maslow's Ark a minimum net of 5 days per week for 20 years. The parents may divide the work days between each other as a 0/5 or 2/3 split for example.* **If the couple's net 20 years of work service concludes prior to retirement, then their UBI payment will be 65% each until retirement.
  3. For married parents caring for 2 children, When that child turns 2 years of age: Option A - If the parents have consolidated to a single 4-acre prepared homestead, they will each receive 25% UBI ($300). Option B - If the parents have consolidated to a single 2-acre prepared homestead, they will each receive 30% UBI ($360). Option C - If the parents have consolidated to a non-arable single-family home they will each receive 40% UBI ($480). Option D - If the parents have consolidated to a single apartment they will each receive 45% UBI ($540). \In either option A,B,C, or D; the married couple must also commit to paid work for Maslow's Ark a minimum net of 7 days per week for 20 years. The parents may divide the work days between each other as a 0/7, 2/5, or 3/4 split for example. (The 3/4 split allows someone to always be home for the kids, animals, and vegetable gardens.)* **If the couple's net 20 years of work service concludes prior to retirement, then their UBI payment will be 55% each until retirement.
  4. Adoption: If a married couple with no children elect to adopt an orphan child they are awarded a 1oz 24k Gold world medal of honor for serving the duty of their planet. In addition to each keeping their 100% UBI payments, they also qualify for an additional 30% UBI payment until that child turns 16 (when they will have Maslow's Physiological needs fulfilled as a birthright).
Experimental Extra Options:
  1. An optional 6 acre prepared homestead capped at 20% UBI Payments.
  2. An optional 10 acre prepared homestead capped at 10% UBI Payments.
Universal conditions: -Individuals cannot sell or sub-lease their single family homes, homesteads, or apartments for profit, since they were prepared by The People of Earth, they inherently belong to The People of Earth. -World adoption of a 2-child limit. -Universal Healthcare -Free Education for All -Retirement age is 65, when you receive 90% UBI (instead of Social Security).
How Maslow's Ark Schooling Would Work: Schools would serve the communities multi-functionally; as food banks, seed banks, internship & job connection centers, and teaching children basic life skills. At the heart of every town city and community, there must be an large agricultural center (not just a vampire w-mart), with all the tools and resources needed to grow fruits, vegetables, care for farm animals, and other things like making compost. I propose combining the agricultural center and school as one system. If hungry people in the community desperately need food or seeds, (since the kids are growing food) they can return to their school for food and cheap supplies, functioning as the backbone and heart of every town. All current schools will be converted into large-scale self sufficient homesteads. The governances of the world will fund the solar and wind-powered system upgrades (making them off-grid which give the students a means to learn these systems). Ages 4-10 would be your standard basic Math, Language, Health, Cooking, and History. In addition, 50% of each school day would be learning how to grow food, raise chickens, milk cows, and maintain all aspects of a homestead. (Children will actually care for 2 reasons: A. Everyone loves baby chickens and B. The kids are promised a homestead at 15, and that's SO MUCH BRIGHT & POSITIVE ENERGY! (Unless they choose the apartment...)) (Every human should know how to be self-sufficient!) It's much better for children to during fresh organic milk and vitamin-rich tomatoes anyways, in those early development years. Ages 11-13 would be training in a more specific life-skill trade. Ages 14-15 would be internships where students go to job-sites to learn and assist the parents in Maslow's Ark homestead preparation. Additionally, the schools may also function as a free wholesome dating and room-mate pairing service as well as free marriages. World Governances would fund schools to build homes, (rather than the traditional mortgage) further making schools central work hubs for internships and parents.
Maslow's jobs may include (and be educationally centered around): -Housing & Apartment Rehabilitation (Carpentry, Electrical, Plumbing, HVAC) -Boosting soil Fertility & Compost Creation -Regional Food Gardening, Nurseries, & Research -Planting Permaculture Trees, Arborist, Lumber Mills -Building Greenhouses & Barns -Wood & Gas eventually replaced by fusion energy electricity plants -Solar, Wind, and Battery Technology/Service -Helping care for thy Elderly & Disabled neighbors -Farm Animal Care & breeding -Property, Homes, and Jobs bank coordinator -Small scale Electric Farm Equipment & Electric vehicle production & service. -Clean Water Production such as wells, ponds, rainwater and desalination. -100% Trash Reuse, Repurpose, & Recycling -Teaching all the aforementioned.
The Economy: Self sufficiency means less tax revenue for the government, but at the same time, (the US government is doing a terrible job at creating jobs and unemployment rates are skyrocketing. Capitalist governments don't care if businesses like w-mart or h-depot bleed towns dry of money and killed all the mom n' pop shops, or let robots take over factories. Between the green new deal, and working for Maslow's Ark homesteads, there would be millions of jobs created for regular every-day people. Every house with a big lawn could be retrofit as a homestead. Parents of kids must work, therefore they get charged taxes on their paychecks. Parents without children have a greater allowance to spend money on taxable goods and services. With The People of Earth circumventing the need to spend the bulk of their lives paying for a mortgage and having money tied into their mortgages, you will see a huge shift in people investing in other assets such as stocks, silver, gold, and bitcoin as a means of generational wealth, as it should be. (Disclaimer* I'm not an economist.) I would love to hear feedback if you agree or disagree that this would work and suggest improvements to make it work better.
In conclusion, my number and % ratios may need some fine tuning, but I believe this is the only functioning groundwork for the way that a simple and fulfilled life should be. I would love to hear feedback and I hope this concept of hybrid homesteading & % Ratio UBI becomes widely known and built upon.
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2020.09.21 21:09 mr_tyler_durden Notes and Highlights of Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear’s Live Update September 21, 2020

Notes and Highlights of Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear’s Live Update September 21, 2020
Notes by mr_tyler_durden and Daily Update Team
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